Missing You
by Stormzzz
Summary: Stendan One Shot. Brendan returns to reunite with Steven and isn't prepared for what he finds. This fic was inspired by a story idea by Lolitangela. Rated M. *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

Hi all. I have to thank my fic partner in crime; Lolitangela once again for this one shot.

This became an accidental reunion, so deviates a little from Lola's idea. She asked me to write a sexy one shot, involving Ste seducing Brendan via texts after their hectic lives prevents them from spending any time together. Informing me Brendan was out of jail and they were happy with the kids, had a club and restaurant etc.  
I decided, in relation with the recent McHay SL to extend her idea, and write my take on Brendan finding Ste again at his lowest time, and indeed putting a halt to what has to be the least likely pairing since digestive biscuits and hot tea.

And don't get me started on the word 'sweetheart' *rolls eyes*

I separated it into chapters again because it turned out a big fic and as it's me who wrote this expect a lot of fluff.

* * *

Missing You. Part 1 of 3 

The percolator grumbles when it makes a strong coffee for Brendan. He's stood in the kitchen pushing half a triangle cut piece of toast into his mouth and tearing it in his teeth like a starved animal. He hums at its taste and licks the melting butter from his lips as he chews.

Ste walks past faffing with making the kids their breakfast, but midway stops to brush the crumbs that have attached to Brendan's moustashe and beard. The touch of him making Brendan smile, always has done, but more so now. Since he was released two years ago he's savoured every touch from Ste.

Ste smiles back, can't help the glow in his cheeks as he walks past bashful and giddy. The smile warms the space between them; his beautiful blue eyes sparkle with the amount of love they share. Brendan turns and follows with his eyes as Ste continues to walk past; now balancing bowls of cereal in hand he settles them over the table for Leah and Lucas. Turning, Ste catches Brendan's gaze again grinning as he winks approval Ste begins to make his way across to Brendan but his tracks are stopped when they've two hyper children under their feet, scrambling for the nearest chair they settle at the table.

Brendan watches them a while, but he's really watching Ste with them, happy together again. When Brendan left prison he expected to find Ste well and happy, living his life just how he'd told him too. In retrospect, though he would have thought that was a little stupid; beyond stupid. He himself telling Ste he couldn't live his life without him, how did he expect Ste too? Ste couldn't begin to live his life without him. And Ste made sure he knew that in no uncertain terms once they'd found each other again. Nothing could be further from the truth; the boy he found wasn't the man he left behind years earlier.

Ste was a shell of his former self and addicted to drugs. Brendan still remembers the moment he saw him, how he'd turned up in the village as a surprise to not only find the love of his life on drugs but loving another. Funny how things work out. Back then the answers seemed so clear the moment he'd left the prison. He walked out an innocent man; he spent time in jail an innocent man too. Unconditional love has a lot to answer for.

* * *

Two years earlier

Brendan left the prison gates lighter than when he first entered the place. The air seemed to grab and lift the heavy weight on his shoulders; the burden was no longer there. Brendan still had the reminders of why he had to spend so much time away though as his sister Cheryl approached him with a smile filled with regret.

He didn't want her to feel that way though and held his arms around her in comfort to her tears. It felt good to hug his sister again, a free man. Her car was a large white 4x4 and they sat in it in silence at first, Cheryl still feeling a little uneasy and not sure what to say. Brendan sighed with it, he's spent far to long with awkward silences to last a lifetime. The inmates not exactly big on conversation.

"Ah come on Chez, let's not do this"

"I'm sorry Brendan, I'm sorry ye had to spend all that time in there for me. And worse, away from Ste" Cheryl fingered away her tears. "It's so good to see ye though"

"Come here" Brendan hugged Cheryl again and kissed the top of her head, pulling back he looked at her, asked a question she really didn't want to answer.

"Bren…"

"Have ye seen him?"

"No love. The last time was after ye went inside"

"Yeah but ye went to see him recently, when ye knew I was being released, right?"

"I couldn't find him; the flat isn't there anymore. It blew up apparently. You'd have known this if you'd allowed him to see ye" Cheryl didn't dare look up at her brother then, it was a low blow even if it was frustratingly true. Cheryl breathed loudly "And I couldn't go into the village without being seen, ye wanted it to be a surprise"

"Hmm" Brendan resisted saying how he really felt at his sister's words because he knew it was the truth. He struggled with his thoughts. All he cared about was getting out of there and back to where he was. Steven, the boy who kept him company in his heart, the boy who adorned his dreams for the past two years while he spent time in a cold cell. He looked back as he sat there; that place had put everything on hold, stopped them having that life together they deserved more than any other couple.

"Did ye get me some clothes Chez?" Better to change the subject now, Cheryl was twitching with her unspoken words.

Brendan sank down on the leather back seat and spread his legs wide. He'd put on weight inside, the amount of times he'd spent sweating in the gym paid off. He was huge; arms so big the shirtsleeve barely inched over them, his trousers had always been tight fitting but this was ridiculous. Brendan asked Cheryl to bring him new clothes to change into.

Brendan studied between suits and casual jeans. He couldn't decide what Ste would prefer. He'd met him wearing one, so Brendan smoothed his hand over the suits Cheryl had bought to find a deep grey colour, picked out a red shirt. He knew it was the right choice. It catapulted him back to the cellar in the club, and that kiss they once shared.

"Bren? Ye okay love?"

"Yeah, just remembering."

"Must be a good thought, you looked happy" I have a room at a hotel in town, let me take ye there to get changed"

"Okay, thank ye Chez. I'll get a taxi to the village though, are ye going back to Nate?" Brendan glanced up from the shirt he was unwrapping.

"Yes, but ye promise me you'll come and visit? Ye and Ste okay? Come and stay with us, the house is huge, we have separate areas, a guest house ye can have" Cheryl looked in pleading.

"Course we will, in fact I will ask him, that's if he ain't already moved on."

Cheryl started up the engine shifting into reverse she looked back and at Brendan. "Look love, ye did tell him to move on. So don't be surprised things have changed. I don't think he will have stopped caring though Bren. He was completely in love with ye, that doesn't stop so easy"

Sat in the car his heart beat a drum solo at his rib cage, the familiar streets that stretched out before him as he looked through the window. It had occurred to him as they drove, Steven would have done as he'd asked and moved on. The thought of it pierced at his heart, made his stomach invert in fear. He didn't have any right to be mad about it though, rejecting every way Ste tried to contact him was a cruelty he'd have to live with, little did he know just what the pain of them being apart had caused.

He blinked back into the car when Cheryl parked up and exited the car; Brendan grabbed his clothes and walked with her. As soon as they'd arrived he walked straight into the bathroom. Cheryl flicked through the TV channels to relieve the boredom of Brendan's time spent getting changed. Her fingers wrapped the curls through her hair as she moved to make a drink. The water from the kettle overflowed the cup when she watched him stand there, arms out stretched.

"Will I do?"

"Oh my god Bren! Ye look great! Ste won't be able to resist ye" Cheryl squealed and rushed uneasy in her shoes to get to him.

Should I have a shave? I mean I am pretty hairy…"

"Didn't ye tell me Ste liked that about ye though, the tashe, he loved it." Cheryl pondered the beard a moment trying to put herself in Ste's place. "Keep it, end of the day he'd tell ye if he didn't like it, right? I reckon he'd wanna try it out first anyway…"

"CHEZ!"

"What?! He bloody would! Ye two were always like rabbits anyway" Cheryl dismissed her brother with her hands

"Who told ye that?" Brendan folded his arms across his newly worn red shirt and creased lines into it.

Cheryl glanced her eyes up sheepishly between the floor and Brendan _"Ste did_…"

"Are ye serious? He told ye about us?"

"Hey we were like best mates! I didn't let him go into details, cause ye are my brother, but ye was his, _you know_"

Brendan loosened his arms then, and walked a little closer "His what? Chez?"

"His best…obviously. Bren! I don't wanna talk about this anymore, oh my god ew!"

Brendan smirked to himself, and found himself feeling giddy inside, he liked knowing that. He liked knowing Ste had spoke of him that way, even if it was to his sister of all people.

They hugged again tightly. Cheryl moved back and looked at him. "Ye go get your man. And don't give up because I know Ste loves ye, always has done. And remember I expect that visit, right?"

"I promise I will fight for him, and remind him of our promise we made. I will come visit, with or without Steven."

"With please"

Brendan took a deep sigh and left the room, Cheryl bit against her bottom lip and silently prayed as he did.

* * *

Ste fumbled at the sink attempting to grab a glass to get a drink of water. He'd taken another hit of cocaine moments earlier; it had become a regular thing now, a part of his daily routine. He hated himself and what he'd become, but he just didn't have the strength to fight the cravings. They ate at his mind as the poison worked its way through his bloodstream making his heart beat differently.

He'd woken up next to John Paul, they'd had this relationship for a while now, but if Ste was honest he couldn't recall much of it, half his life was spent in a whirlwind, a blur of anything worth any kind of meaning. His legs had been heavy moving off the bed and dragged as he left the bedroom. His mouth so dry made him feel sick to swallow.

He'd made a stop on the way to the bathroom though, and finding his secret stash in there had consumed the white powdery substance till it tingled through his body. The craving subsided but he still felt ashamed. Looking into the mirror had become such a hard thing to do now Ste avoided them as much as he could because what stared back at him was a person he didn't reconise. He'd stumbled out of the bathroom grabbing hold of the door to steady himself creating a loud noise as he wobbled through the house. Ste dropped the glass into the sink and as it clinked loudly, a voice behind him made his eyes roll.

"You're just never going to stop are you?" John Paul looked saddened witnessing Ste high again. It had been a week, Ste had promised yet again to stop and get clean. Each time he tried though his strength had weakened him into giving in.

"Tell me where your stash is Ste! I want it out of here, I don't want that crap around my son!"

"Oh bore off John Paul. Sick of it, always going on like a stuck record. I've a headache right, let me sleep" Ste dismissed him with his arm falling hard onto the sofa. His body tingled, and head span around on a constant looped roller coaster ride behind his eyes.

"You always want to sleep! And look at the state of you, clothes filthy, you're a disgrace. How about getting up off your arse and getting a job huh?"

"I had a job once! And I put a lot into that restaurant, it's not like I've no money."

"Yeah, and where does it all go? Up your nose!"

"Arghh! You're doing me head in!" Ste jumped up off the sofa almost stumbling over completely, he fell against the arm of the chair.

"Ste?" John Paul worried edged closer to him.

"No, I'm fine, just tired"

"It's killing you, don't you even care?"

"I stopped caring a long time ago, there was no point anymore after he'd…"

_"Him again_. He's in prison Ste! Give it up okay, he ain't _ever_ coming back"

"Just shut up…just _SHUT. UP._" Ste moved himself up again and walked out of the front door. John Paul looked up to the ceiling and exasperated. He followed him quickly grabbing his coat on the way out.

Ste hurried the path swerving along it listening to John Paul shouting his name behind him. Ste saw a rock and kicked it hard in frustration, watched it bounce and roll on its jagged edges. He'd had enough of it, if people didn't refuse to talk about Brendan they constantly denied his existence. It became a battle, Ste versus the whole fucking world. Well he knew he'd see Brendan again, one day he'd come back and then everyone would see. He didn't care he was holding onto a thread of a dream he kept having.

His vision became obscured by the blurred hasty movements he made, covering his eyes, he tried to blink it away but it didn't work. Something felt wrong, different to the other times he'd taken something. Heart beating erratically and he felt fear travel through his body, damp sweat beads formed at his forehead and dripped down the side of his face. Ste finally made it to the village, and around by the restaurant.

A black taxi had parked up in the village and he'd rushed to pass it as John Paul once again shouted his name making him turn around and not look where he was going. A loud bang made him lose his breath, a sharp pain to the side of his body shook him uneasy on his feet .Ste fell against the concrete, banging his head his eyes closed.

* * *

Hollyoaks village at first glance looked the same to Brendan as the taxi pulled up and just for a few moments he was frozen to the back seat. His head then moved and looked out of the window almost touching the glass he looked towards where the deli had once been. Now gone and replaced by a new business. Then across to the new restaurant, seems like the village had changed more than he'd first thought. The club still standing, just the name was different now.

The driver soon had him coming back to reality asking for payment and Brendan fished out enough money and paid the man, as he opened the door his mind was still awash with puzzling thoughts as to what had happened to the deli, had Ste sold up, or worse left the village behind for pastures new. The door thumped loud as someone clumsily walked in the way of it and it hit them with such a bang they went stumbling to the floor.

Brendan shook his head of his thoughts and exited the cab slamming the door shut. He threw out a long sigh. "Ye really should look where ye are going!"

Brendan stepped around the person laid there who didn't seem to move, or at least didn't want to. He tilted his head at them noting the state of the clothes; torn, dirty. Brendan waited a moment before exasperating.

"Get up then!"

"Don't waste your time" John Paul spoke hands leaned against his knees trying to catch his breath from the running he'd done and Brendan turned around to a loud gasp. His eyes widened at him and then down at the person laid on the ground.

"You?!"

"Yeah me" Brendan answered first pointing to himself then the person in the road "Ye wanna leave it in the street?"

_"It?_ You mean you don't know who that is?" John Paul didn't move just darted his eyes between Brendan and Ste.

"Just got back haven't I? Bound to be people I don't know here now. Remind me who ye are again?" Brendan clicked his fingers three times

"Dublin"

Brendan took a deep sigh feigning ignorance to the one night stand he'd wanted to forget ever happened. "I have better memories of that place"

_"Thanks!"  
_  
He'd offended John Paul then. He didn't care.

_"You're welcome!"_ Mimicking the shrill tone of the other man.

"He's my boyfriend, or at least supposed to be" John Paul looked down at the sorry state that lay at Brendan's feet.

"Ah, see you're lowering your standards; well I need to get on. Have ye seen Steven?" Brendan swallowed and a pleading came from his voice as it strangled Ste's name with it.

John Paul looked back at the man on the ground and walked closer "I don't know where Steven is Brendan"

Movement caused Brendan to look, the person began to move and a moan escaped their lips, a cry and whimpering. Brendan looked up at John Paul in confusion, "Why ain't ye helping him?" Brendan moved and held his hand over the man's shoulder.

"Looks like ye have been in the wars, come on let's get ye up"

"Get off me!" The Manchester accent hit Brendan like a knife to the heart, that voice, he knew it once upon a time ago, but it couldn't be. Brendan kneeled down and shook as his body trembled. His hand moved to grip the cheek of the man and brought his face up and around. Brendan collapsed on the floor next to him. His head shook from side to side, fear mapped his face. He looked up at John Paul for answers, but the other man just sighed the thought of having to explain Ste's state to him.

"I said I hadn't seen _Steven_, I think you'll find _HIS_ name is Ste. A drugged up has been, who forgot how to live. He just gave up, and no matter how hard I try, he just won't stop taking it"

"Ye…_ye let him get like this?!"_

"No_, you did"_ John Paul walked away still keeping Brendan's lost gaze as he did, contempt in his eyes. He knew he was being pathetic trying to get one back on Brendan, but still he wanted to keep some pride. John Paul always played second everything to him; Brendan was the love of Ste's life, just as much as Craig was still his. They only comforted each other through that pain of being lost with out them.

The older man had stood up again fierce was his eyes now John Paul swallowed "Ye just stood there, and ye knew it was Steven on the floor. Why didn't ye tell me?!"

"Oh stop with the moaning, you to are made for each other you know that?"

"Ye better not cross my path again"

"Threatening me are ya? Whatever, I have better things to be doing"

Brendan struggled as he looked back at Ste on the floor, kneeling down to be closer to him again, his eyes glazed over. Hand held once again against the other man's cheek he felt his tears slide over his fingers. Little sobs coming from his mouth. He let Brendan bring his face around properly so he could look at him.

_"Steven…"_

"Brendan?"

Brendan choked _"Yeah"_ he hitched a breath" _"It's me" _Brendan's voice squeaked trying to speak, he never thought it was possible for his heart to break any more, but seeing his boy this way almost killed him there and then.

"What have ye done Steven?" His thumb stroked the tears across the side of his cheek, noting the stubble growth Ste had now. It felt different to the smooth boy he once knew, touching at it again he fleeted a smile.

"Brendan?"

"Yes it's me" Brendan watched Ste scramble to his feet, face white as a sheet, lethargic, eyes with huge angry red circles around them. Ste was gaunt, face so swollen, his cheek bones more defined. Frail and obviously incredibly poorly he tried to stand up. Ste wobbled and fell about on his feet trying to get somewhere, Brendan sat frozen to the ground, watched him stumble across to the fountain and fall onto it.

"Steven!" he jumped to his feet and raced over, placed his arms around Ste's waist or what was left of it and turned him, picked him up into his arms. Ste instinctively held around his neck, however weakened in his state he still tried. Head flopped against Brendan's chest. Brendan listened to the shallow breathing and worried. His head darted to the restaurant rushing over to it and kicking open the door, it banged hard against the window almost detaching from its hinges.

"Brendan?!" Tony couldn't believe his eyes, the note book he'd been writing an order down on fell to the floor dramatically.

"Anthony, help me please, it's Steven"

_"Get him out of here"_ Diane warned with a shaky finger "He's not allowed in here anymore"

"What? Can't ye see the state he's in? He needs help!"

"Brendan, he's an addict, no one can help him. We've tried. Fact is he's been like this at least a year now" Tony felt saddened and even though he still cared for Ste, he still listened to his wife and made Brendan carry him back outside again. Tony followed closely behind ignoring Diane's pleas for him not too.

"Anthony please. I have nowhere to take him. Just got back, I came back for him, my Steven" Brendan felt weakened suddenly trying to hold himself together, he angled his head down and held his cheek against Ste's hair, nuzzled closer to him.

Tony sighed heavy watching them together again, fishing inside his pocket "Here, take my car keys and drive him to hospital. Ste will be looked after there, best place for him if you ask me."

Tony looked back at Brendan who was still trying to comfort Ste in his arms. "Hey? He will be okay you know."

Brendan grabbed the keys and angered "I can't believe ye let this happen! Look at him! Ye are supposed to be his friend!"

"What about you eh? When are you going to take some responsibility?!" Tony held an accusing finger to Brendan

"Didn't you stop to think what would happen when you left him? What, you thought he'd be able to survive without you?" Tony scoffed and shook his head. "The light went out of his eyes when you left, I've never seen it since"

Tony left Brendan there, arms cradling Ste. He looked down at him; he didn't even look like his Steven. He just looked so ill. "I won't give up, I promise"

Brendan took Ste to hospital; where they admitted him into A&E, hooked him up to drips, and kept him monitored. Brendan was told by the doctor Ste had taken Cocaine, a lot of it by all accounts, he was poorly and needed to stay in a while. Brendan walked over to Ste and held against his hand, wrists so thin his entire hand mapped around it. Even the strong heart beat Brendan remembered hardly pulsed, it was like he'd given up on life completely.

"Hiya love" A nurse held her hand on Brendan's shoulder "Is he a relative?"

"He's my…_life"_ Brendan swallowed miles away in another world, it couldn't be real, all of this had to be another world "_And I abandoned him_"

"Hey, come on. I'm sure whatever happened was unavoidable. Some times in life we have to make hard choices, to protect others."

"Doesn't mean it's right though does it?" Brendan replied "Look what happened, and he was always the strongest of us both"

The nurse checked over Ste's chart and monitors "It's going to take a while, his recovery. And he may not want it, he's been taking these drugs a year now"

"Don't care what he says, he is getting off them, and this time, I ain't going anywhere."

* * *

He's not there when Ste wakes up for the first time, his hands echo movement past his vision, makes him feel odd and sickly. His mouth is dry, body aching with withdrawal already. He's found his body needs more hits the longer time goes on. Ste tries to sit up but the way his head throbs as he does knocks him for six. The pillow feels soft as his head lands back down on it, and he turns from right to left.

Ste can't remember much of his life at the moment, the amount of drugs he takes blocks out the reality of it. He prefers that though, the memories shatter this way, don't hurt as much. Ste spends his life in the clouds above flying around the warm breeze. None of it makes sense, except the need of wanting more. It eats him alive, the craving. Seeps through his veins poisoning as it heeds his mind.

There are other people here he thinks; he can see them, distorted visions of people dressed in white. He laughs at them, maybe they finally took him away, the men in white coats.

"Oi! I wanna get out of here!" Ste's words slur, he laughs again at himself.

"Hello"

"Who are you?"

"I'm a nurse, you're in hospital Steven"

Ste snorts "My names _Ste"_

"Oh, that's what the other man called you, okay Ste. You're in hospital, you took drugs. Do you remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. I need some more, can ya go and fetch some yeah?" Ste laughs.

"You don't think you've had enough?"

"Am I dead yet? No, so obviously I haven't"

The nurse settled at Ste's bedside "You want to die? That's sad to hear, you've people here who love you"

"No I don't, cause everyone leaves me don't they. No one gives a toss, why should I?"

"That's not true, the man who brought you here, he looked pretty worried for you"

Ste glanced his eyes at the nurse "You called me Steven, why?"

"What an odd question. I thought it was your name? It says so on your file" The nurse got up and walked around to the chart and gripped it in her hands. "Steven Hay" She turns the chart to show Ste but it's to far away to read anyway.

"Who is the man you mentioned? John Paul? Great, bring him in to have another go then will ya, I don't feel put down enough today."

"It could be John Paul, he never told me his name. He brought you in and filled out the form" The nurse moved to walk away. "I can get you some water and food, but drugs are off the menu"

Ste looked over at the nurse and chewed at his lip, it was still puzzling him, why call him Steven. "There's only one person who calls me that name, but it can't be him, _it can't be…"_

"He'll be back soon enough, then you can see for yourself?"

As the nurse walked away he stopped her_ "Wait!" _Ste sat up quickly his head throbbed with the rush_ "Did he have a moustashe, was he Irish?"_

"Come to think of it, he did have an accent, oh and beard, a moustashe too though yes."

The nurse walked out of the ward leaving Ste to his thoughts. A tear fell down his cheek. The drugs did make him see Brendan sometimes, and he liked that, seeing him. But this seemed a little too real. He didn't dare believe it though as the heart ache that came with reality was always too much to bear. His eyes dragged heavy lidded. So he's shunting himself back down onto the bed and falling asleep. He didn't notice the other person who walked into the ward and then into his room.

Brendan moved and settled down in a comfy chair by the side of his bed, placing his coffee on the side. Brendan held against Ste's hand a moment and something caught his eye. A silver sparkle the sun had caught a hold of. He moved up and fingered underneath the silver cross he'd once given Ste the last time he was in hospital and darted his eyes to Ste's closed ones, mouth parted.

He was wearing his cross, after all this time he still wanted him close by. Brendan laid it against his chest and watched it rise and fall capturing the sun beams through the window. He leaned down and kissed against his forehead, nuzzled his face there, the coldness a shock. Ste's skin clammy, and too cool. His frail body struggling to keep its warmth, Brendan pulled the sheets higher and sat back down again.

* * *

Brendan's woken up by something touching his hair, he jolts awakes and sees the crisp white bed sheets. His hand rubs the sleep out of his eyes and turns. Ste is looking at him, but it's a stare that's through him not at him. Brendan moves slowly realising Ste is very fragile at the moment. It's enough to let Ste's hand fall from his head and they sit in silence a while just looking at each other. Brendan's drinking Ste in, his eyes still the same blue, they look saddened, Ste is trapped behind them and Brendan can't stand to see those eyes so broken.

"Steven?"

"I know…I know this is a dream but…_it's so good to see you again_" Ste smiles with hint sadness at his thoughts.

"This isn't a dream, I am here"

"It's okay" Ste let out a long sigh "You always say that"

"Steven, ye can touch me…_I am real_" Brendan's hand tries to grab Ste's but it's taken away just as quickly. Ste turns away from him to lay on his side. Tears fall and make his already swollen red eyes darker in colour. Ste looks out of the window, and at the clouds. It looks peaceful there, his eyes dart to a tree that leaves sway in the breeze, has a calming effect as his eye lids keep drooping.

"No one ever lets me talk about you" Brendan's eyes fix on Ste as he speaks. "No one...no one ever mentions you, it's just me against the lot of them. I'm trying to hold on to you and what we had. I spend half the time mad at you and the other still so in love it physically hurts me to live without you"

Brendan's mouth parts slightly, swallows hard. "I don't blame ye for being angry with me"

"Good cause I am right, _really fucking angry_." Ste sniffed and wiped the back of his hand over his nose.

"What else can I say? I'm sorry,I couldn't let Chez go to prison for me"

"No, but you could leave me behind couldn't ya? Made it look too easy an' all" Ste shook his head frustrated.

"Ye thought leaving ye was easy? You're wrong. I wanted to die rather than live without ye, so don't ever say it was easy for me"

"You just left, and I didn't know how to go on without you. The pain Brendan, my insides ripped apart over and over. My best friend, my reason for feeling true love, gone."

"All this time, know that I never felt any differently Steven, I promise ye"

Ste turned back around and connected their eyes again. Ste's tears just streamed down his face, Brendan's eyes began shining over "I never did either. I found comfort cause I was lonely. It didn't matter though, I always loved you, still do"

"I am going to help ye, get ye off these drugs"

Ste began to laugh suddenly changing his persona like the flick of a switch "Go away Brendan yeah? No one can help me now, I couldn't care less anymore." The sheet suddenly flew up in the air and Ste ripped the drip out of his hand wincing at the pain. Brendan's stood up and rounding the bed as quick as Ste tries to move off it. Ste collapses but Brendan's there. Moves quickly to catch Ste, his body so weak his hands barely manage to grip Brendan's shoulders.

_"Brendan?"_ Ste's eyes shake with tears, so do his hands when he grips his shoulders _"But I thought that..."_

Brendan nods silently looking into Ste's eyes, as he brings his hand up he brushes lightly against Ste's cheek and he's breathless at the touch, he's so warm and real. _He's real_.

"You came back…?"

"Of course I did, it's all I thought about Steven. Getting back to ye kept me going. I never knew missing someone could hurt so much"

"Should've thought of that then!" Ste's mood suddenly changed again as he tried in vein to get out of Brendan's grip, but he wasn't going to let go, he'd never let go again.

"I'll stay like this forever if I have to, ye ain't leaving this hospital"

"If ya loved me you would let me go!" Ste growled tightening his fingers hard into Brendan's shoulders and it hurt. Brendan closed his eyes and breathed through his nose and Ste held on more and more.

"I wont give up on ye Steven. Hurt me all ye want, there's nothing more ye can do though. Being without ye was beyond any pain, so go ahead do your worst" Brendan's gaze bore into Ste's as his eyes shook. He let go and rested down into Brendan's neck in defeat, hands falling to his chest. Brendan's arms surrounded him then and hugged closely. Ste had always been of skinny build but this was crazy, the amount of weight he'd lost, Brendan could feel his bones through the layer of clothing he wore.

"How could ye do this to yourself huh?" Brendan's voice whispered, head close to Ste's ear. The younger man shivered at the feel of his warm breath, still not quite believing Brendan was really there. The amount of times he'd seen him while high on drugs. He even mistook a strange man to be him just because he'd got a similar moustashe. Turns out he was nothing like his Brendan. No other man could be. He really must have been high that day or just pissed as a fart. Ste scoffed at his thoughts and Brendan released his hold a little.

"What? Ye gonna tell me those thoughts?"

Ste shook his head "No, some things are better left unsaid"

"Like John Paul ye mean?" Brendan couldn't disguise the bitter edge to his voice.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend?" Brendan's heart sank at his words. "Of all the people, I mean I half expected ye to have moved on but him?"

"Least it's not 'Douglas'" Ste bit back sarcastically. It wouldn't matter which man Ste was with, Brendan wouldn't ever have been okay with it.

"Where is my nemesis?"

"Died didn't he?" Ste sobbed "Like everyone I care for, they always leave me"

"Died? I'm sorry Steven"

"No ya ain't, ya hated him"

"He married ye, what do ye expect me to feel about that? It should have been me"

Ste blinked flicking his eyelashes up slowly, not expecting the words he'd just heard, even if they had discussed it years earlier, it still surprised him.

"I ain't moved on Brendan right?" Ste cupped at Brendan's beard and stroked his fingers through it. "I just…I needed…_I was alone_."

"Me too" Brendan replied suddenly letting go of Ste who gripped at his red shirt, fear mapped his eyes.

"No, Stop. Don't go"

"I'm not going Steven, I am just struggling. I know I told ye to live your life but this…I can't bare to think of him touching ye"

"Hypocrite. What about you? I ain't forgotten"

Brendan shot a look at Ste then "I think ye have forgotten Steven, enjoy my sloppy seconds? How was he for ye?"

"Stop this, _please_. We haven't been together that way in a long time Brendan I swear. It was for comfort and nothing more, I barely let him touch me, he didn't…I wouldn't let him touch me like you did"

Brendan closed his eyes and bowed his head, this was so hard, he never prepared for this, he wished he had done though. Right now he needed to be strong for Steven, anything else could wait.

"Look, I just want to get ye better okay? It's my job too"

"It isn't anymore though is it?" Ste's words stung, it shouldn't be like this. Brendan spent years going over what he'd say and how he'd say it, and nothing like this was ever planned for. They were interrupted suddenly.

"Hello?" A doctor walked up and stretched over the bed to find Ste and Brendan on the floor, she interrupted them and noticed blood trickled from Ste's hand. "Here, let me see to that"

Brendan moved up and lifted Ste with him, light as a feather and placed him on the bed. They barely looked at each other as Ste got back onto the bed and allowed the doctor to re fit his IV line. Brendan rounded the bed and lent arms folded against the wall, eyes to the floor, Ste watched him and his thoughts play out. He could figure them out, he was disappointed in him wasn't he? How could he even be interested anymore, he wasn't the same man after all. Ste's guilt festered inside him and churned at his stomach, getting himself more and more worked up. He felt irritated and antsy, lashing out at anyone who got in the way.

"Can you leave while I examine Mr Hay?" The doctor asked looking over at Brendan.

"It's okay, he can stay. He's seen it all anyway. Will probably give him a thrill" Ste's hot and cold attitude began to wear thin on Brendan. His body defensive he pushed back off the wall shaking his head. It only strengthened Ste's mistaken belief he was looking at him differently now.

"I will go" Brendan choked as he spoke, his heart was holding far to many knives within it.

"You said you wasn't gonna leave again, already breaking ya words I see" Ste spat tossing a cup off his cabinet across the room at Brendan. It clattered to the floor and span at his feet as he looked down and watched it come to a standstill on its side.

"I'm getting some air, and a drink"

"No pubs around here Bren, no where to drown your sorrows at how I turned out huh? Hide ya disappointment"

Brendan saw red then, there was only so much he could take. Like he'd ever think that way about the younger boy. Only hours earlier released from prison this was the last thing he deserved. Deciding to bring the man he loved down a peg or two his hand gestured to Ste and his cold expression. "Oh stop with the self pity Steven! Fucks sake you're so whiney! I have done nothing but look after ye since I got here. Ye go ahead and think I don't give a damn about ye if it makes ye happy. Nothing changes does it ey?!"

"Whatever Brendan! Get out!"

"Yeah? Watch me not come back!" Brendan threw his arms up and pushed against the door in anger swinging it open. The doctor sighed and placed a blood pressure cuff on Ste's arm turning on the machine. It tightened against Ste's arm eventually and took the reading.

"None of my business but was that not a little harsh?"

"He can take it, he's treated me worse" Ste closed his eyes tightly body shaking with angry nerves of regret. "Shit, I didn't mean it…what if he doesn't come back? I need to go get him, tell him I'm sorry" Ste moved off the bed but fell back dizzy again. The doctor helped him back onto the mattress and brought her face closer.

"You're not strong enough yet, and don't worry I have a feeling he will. I was here when he brought you in, never seen anyone look so desperate. That man, it's obvious he loves you"

"Really?" His throat constricts in determination to drown him with the nasty words he'd used. Ste sniffs and wipes the back of his hand across his nose, heart in pieces. The effort it would take just so he could run to him, _stupid body, stupid drugs._

"Who is he?" Her voice makes him jump. Too wrapped up in his world, t_heir world, his and Brendan's_ to even care. The woman became increasingly concerned watching tears of anger and hurt fall over Ste's cheeks.

"My past, present and future. He's the love of my life, and what do I do? I treat him like he's nothing." His skin rubs when his hands move erratically against his face. "I just get so angry! I yell for no reason half the time"

"He sounds important. You know, the way you are acting is normal. Your mood swings, it's all part and parcel of the drug taking. Not that it's much of an excuse though." The doctor raised her eyebrows and smiled a little.

"How are you feeling? Honestly?"

"I need a fix, I want to leave and get one" Ste rubbed at his nose

"What about him huh? What do you think he'd say about that?"

"His name is Brendan, and today is the first time I've seen him in two years. Other than my dreams or hallucinations at least"

"You think Brendan wants you killing yourself?" The doctor sat on the bed with Ste and studied his gaunt face, lifted his eyelids to look at the yellowing of his eyes. "Cause that's what will happen if you continue to damage your body with that stuff. Ste, you are a little jaundice, and I am concerned." She held his hand and placed a heart monitor on his finger.

"What's that…jaundice?"

"Can mean a few things, liver failure for a start. Have you ever shared needles, or had unprotected sex with anyone else who might have hepatitis?"

Ste swallowed "No…what is all that?"

"I'm just establishing a few details, you do realise that stuff you're putting in your body is poisoning it?" The doctors eyes were serious, unmoving and Ste felt childlike then, scared and alone. He wanted Brendan back again, but his cruel words had pushed him away.

"I want to stop…I will for him…my Brendan" Ste wasn't sure Brendan would want to even know him again now though.

The doctor stood up and moved around to his chart. "No, for yourself, no one else. And I believe you, this time."

"What do you mean, this time?"

"Come on Ste, we have been here so many times this last year, and every time you promise me. The last time you nearly didn't make it, or have you forgotten that?"

"No" He looks at the sheets on the bed hanging his head in shame. People keep reminding him, and all he wants is to forget. They don't know what it's like do they. To lose everything that holds you together. They don't know what its like to just want to give up fighting, because that takes strength, courage, hope.  
Ste is miles away in thought when the doctor speaks him out of it again. Her hand is comforting on his shoulder and it's like his thoughts were projected on the walls for her to see.

"Something has changed though, your eyes are different. I think I see…_hope_" The smile is warm as she leaves Ste to contemplate, he curls up around himself, tears continue to fall. He watches the door and silently prays Brendan will be back.

* * *

Brendan fisted the wall hard as he stood outside the hospital, he wasn't about to leave but he certainly needed some air. His lungs absorbed the fresh oxygen as he sucked in a long breath. His head shook and ached with his thoughts, only a few hours earlier he was on top of the world and rushing to see him, and now he has he feels like he's back inside, in that prison cell out of reach of Steven completely.

"Told ya didn't I? No point wasting your time" John Paul leaned up folded arms against the wall and looked up to the sky. "I've lost count of the times I have stood here. Watched the world pass by, all the while Ste is in there discharging himself, promising he'll stop. And he does you know? A week, maybe two. He doesn't last though, and it's me who has to pick up the pieces afterwards"

"Sure I asked ye to stay out of my way didn't I? You'll be pleased to know we had a fall out already" Brendan closed his eyes and massaged his temple, 'they don't sell whisky shots in hospitals' he kept repeating his thoughts.

"Snapping at you for nothing was he? Ste's just venting, ignore him. He thought about you every day" John Paul gestured to a bench, they both moved over to it, Brendan leaning forward on his knees. Turning to glance at John Paul he hesitated a little.

"How do ye know that?"

"I dunno, just little things. I used to watch him when he was quiet and thinking. He'd smile, and he never smiles you know? Not really. That and he speaks your name when he dreams" John Paul scoffs at his words, and what hearing them sounds like.

"Does he love ye?" Brendan's eyes are so stricken with sadness John Paul feels it pull at his heart. He knows that look, the look of love. He hasn't seen that look in a long time.

"He said he does, yes"

Brendan swallowed the lump in his throat,it was like someone had punched him in the stomach he felt that ill. He couldn't breathe. There was a world of air around him and none of it passed his lips, starving him from the outside in. Ste's happiness was all he cared about though, so he'd have to live with it. "I won't come between ye"

"You have been constantly between us the whole time we've been together Brendan" John Paul sighed looking at the floor "I knew how he felt you know? It's the same for me, and if it were Craig sat where you are now"

"You still love him then, after all this time?"

"Do you still love Ste? It never stops, your one true love. You can be with others, it's just comfort in the end. I do care for Ste though, I never thought that jumped up scally would mean anything to me, but yeah, he's in my heart"

"So now what? You're gonna be with him?"

"No Brendan, there's only one person for Ste. Doug once told me about how it's impossible to be with Ste when you're around."

Brendan turned his body resting his arm across the back of the wooden bench and looked at John Paul puzzled "Douglas said that? When?"

"When we were together for a time he mentioned it"

"Wow, ye don't have much luck with fella's eh? They all think about their ex's while with ye"

"Yeah, thanks for that, feel better?"

"A little yeah" Brendan smirks eyes moving front again.

"I slept with his Dad too" John Paul realises how all this sounds finally and hangs his head in shame.

"Ye slept with Douglas' Dad? Ye are sick ye realise?"

No, Ste's dad, Danny? You've missed out on a lot being away"

"Wow. Ok then." Brendan shook his head in disbelief; obviously the world had gone nuts while he was inside. And who the hell was Danny.

"I don't envy you this. It's going to be hard work. I'm tired of it all, watching Ste destroy himself. It's a good job you came back when you did, a couple more months and who knows."

"Just stop that, Steven would never…"

"He has already, I found him."

Brendan's eyes speak a thousand words because he can't begin to express himself any other way.

"Dunno why he did it, he never told me. Look, I am just gonna go and see him." John Paul held his hand on Brendan's shoulder. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're back, you've saved him"

Brendan turned to watch John Paul enter the sliding doors and into the hospital and counted that off as another surreal moment in his life. His heart hurt, made him feel unwell with the pain. He'd give them some time then go back, he could take the angry words of Ste, they were just symptoms of a man who was desperate. Brendan took out his phone and called Cheryl, they needed to get away from here, somewhere safe, different surroundings. A place Brendan could take care of Ste. Ireland seemed the perfect place, especially with all the shared memories they had there.

"Chez…? I need your help"

* * *

Brendan settled in the hospital café a while, ordering a strong sweet coffee and declining any food on offer. He really wasn't himself. The clock on the wall was insanely slow as he glanced at it again and again. Part of him, his heart being that part, wanted to interrupt them. John Paul had something he didn't, time. All that time they had together, Ste was bound to have some kind of feelings towards him.

Brendan drank the remnants of his now cold coffee before eventually deciding he couldn't put it off seeing him any longer going back to Ste's room. It was evening now and the day had passed quickly. A nurse had stopped him on his way through the ward telling him visiting hours were up, it hadn't stopped him though. His argument one that couldn't be bettered, the amount of time they'd spent apart for them now to be separated by a stupid hospital visiting time rule. Some rules were meant to be broken.

He promised to be quiet, and stay in Ste's room. He couldn't be apart from him any longer. The nurse wavered a little even though apprehensive. Brendan kept to his promise quietly walking up the darkened ward to his room, the door swung open slightly and he edged his body sideways, slowly moving in and closing the door noting Ste was sleeping.

The chair was covered in his suit jacket as he removed it, walking around to the room he stood by the open window and took in the breeze. It was summer now and the air was hot; wearing a suit wasn't the best in this kind of humidity. Ste fidgeted on the bed, Brendan's ears pricking up with the sound that raised above his heart beat. He heard the bed sheet movement behind him, springs of the mattress creaking as Ste had woken and raised himself to sit up. The dark of the room blindly separating them, only the moon and buildings' light outside showed their silhouettes.

"I didn't mean it…I just get angry and say things. Truth is I cannot believe you're here, I keep thinking this is a dream like every other time"

Ste's heartfelt words tore through Brendan's strong exterior closing his eyes with the sweet sound of it. The amount of times he'd prayed to hear Ste's voice again, the accent, the sounds it made and how it comforted him so. Yet here they were separated by angry spoken words.

"Me neither" Brendan's voice was low, measured as he looked up into the night sky, the false light from the building blurring out the stars. He could see wispy clouds moving across the sky.

"Are you staying?" Ste faltered because he was scared for the answer, if he said no he'd crumble into a million pieces he was that fragile. Brendan whimpered, he didn't want to hear that beautiful voice so helpless.

Brendan turned to look at Ste, the moonlight creating a small light over his face. "Of course I am, I wouldn't be anywhere else. Even if ye don't want me here"

_"I do want you here._ I love you Brendan."

"Did John Paul come to see ye?" his body twists so he can look at Ste, but Ste can't see Brendan's face properly, it's dark and obscured from the natural night from the moon, Ste can imagine him frowning, thinking things over in his mind, and Ste doesn't want him to think them. None of it meant anything. Ste needed to see Brendan again, reaching over to a light fixed to the wall he flicked the switch. The sudden light blink blinded them both until their vision wasn't hazy anymore.

"I'm not gonna ask how you know, yes he did. It's over, I told him but he already knew. There was no other outcome, no other man for me but you"

Ste sniffed and wiped his hand across his nose again, rubbed at it, Brendan had noticed this involuntary movement even when he wasn't upset. He knew what it meant and his stomach twisted because of it.

"Ye never touch that stuff again" Brendan folded his arms tightly across his chest, defined his larger arms and muscles, Ste gulped at the new size he's become, he was bigger now and Ste never felt smaller. _"D'ye hear me Steven?!"_

Ste began to cry, "The doctor said...I might have liver damage"

"The doctor said that?" Brendan unfolded his arms and moved towards the bed.

"Well, apparently I am jaundice, I don't understand it and I am so frightened. I only did it cause it blocked out the pain of living without you, me kids being gone but now you're back and I might die"

"Now ye listen to me there is no way that is gonna happen. I am going to look after ye, and remember me and ye, nothing can beat us, right?"

"Can we start again?" Ste grips the red shirt the older man is wearing and memory flashes like videos through his minds eye. That shirt, Ste rakes his fingers over it as Brendan watches his hands make sure he cannot be dreaming.

Brendan thumbed over Ste's face, and the newly grown stubble that adorned it "So what's all this Steven? Have I competition now?"

Ste felt over his face and smiled "I just kept growin it, why don' ya like me sexy stubble?"

"Like it? I love it, makes ye look _rough"_

"Oi, I don't look that bad"

"Rough and ready Steven"

"Oh, yeah I guess."

Brendan had a warm smile when he nodded in agreement. "I'd planned what I'd say when we first saw each other again. Funny how ye should never plan"

"Me too,I was gonna run into your arms or somet like that,dive into them" Ste blushed as the beam plastered across his face.

"Then what?" Brendan moved closer to Ste nuzzling their noses together.

"I'd proper snog ya, naturally"

"Naturally,_come here"_ Brendan grinned kissing Ste deeply and laying them on the bed with the motion. Ste's arms cradled him close,angled his head with tongue strokes sweeter than this moment they shared.

"I'm gonna be tasting your moustashe for a week" Ste giggles and feels over his lips, the bristles leaving a ghost

"Wanna try for a month?" Brendan replied flirting kissing Ste again, making it last, they kiss like it's their first time, tastes the rough of his tongue strokes. Brendan licks against the stubble on Ste's chin wants to feel it, pausing to smile before opening his mouth to accept Ste's tongue again leaving them both breathless.

Brendan pulled him into his strong arms and stroked over his hair_. "I love ye Steven"_

_"Don't ever leave me again" _Ste couldn't stop the tears falling_._

_"Shhhh baby"_

Brendan whispered and kissed against Ste's hair again and again, fingers combing through it. _"I promise I wont"  
_  
Ste wrapped his arms tightly around Brendan and rested his head there, Brendan rocked his body in a motion that had Ste falling asleep again, only this time it was in Brendan's arms, the only place he ever felt safe. _"I love ye"_ Brendan closed his eyes and leaned his head to rest against Ste.

* * *

Weeks passed by and in that time Brendan had rented a little place nearby to the hospital, he could go there to shower, eat, get changed and be back at the hospital again. The staff had got used to him now, no questions were asked about him staying every night. Ste had started seeing a councillor while in there too, and it seemed to help, that and talking to Brendan.

They lay together whether it be during the day or through the night just talking, so many hours of it passed the time for them. Ste told Brendan everything, the good the bad and the ugly. Brendan kept his promise never moving from Ste's side, whenever he had to leave he always returned to Ste. Watching him get stronger each day warming Brendan's heart and soul.

The third week the doctor had visited and told Ste his colouring had returned and even though it showed improvement, he still had to realise the damage already caused could never be taken away. As long as he kept away from the drugs there was no reason why he couldn't live a happy healthy life again.

"Hey" Brendan's moustache lifted with the span of his smile when his face appeared around the doors of Ste's stifling hot hospital room. Ste was curled up in his boxers on top of the covers with his back towards him and without a voice he just figured he was asleep. Brendan placed a rose on the cabinet next to the bed and then Ste turned to look at him. Face blank, unreadable.

"What's that?"

"That? That is for ye" Brendan gripped the rose in his hand apprehensive gazes into Ste's eyes "I'm not very good at this sort of thing, and there is a bunch of them at the flat for ye, but I wasn't sure whether to give them to ye or not"

Ste held out his hand and took the rose, there was still no movement in his expression and Brendan faltered on his feet. His head gestured backwards "I'll take it back, stupid idea"

"No it's not, I love the gesture, honestly."

"What is it then? Ye don't expect it from me do ye? Have I made things weird now." Brendan hoisted his leg up to sit on the bed, stroked over Ste's thigh and squeezed. "Talk to me"

"No, I mean, yeah it's not something I'd expect, but doesn't mean I don't want it. I want us like this, it's all I've ever wanted. I'm feeling like I need…I need..._you know" _Ste feels ashamed as he speaks, it's been a few weeks and longer than he's ever gone without the drugs. Today though it's eating at his mind.

"Steven, ye have been doing so well"

"No I ain't, I am finding the cravings unbearable. Please, you will help me right?" Ste held tightly over Brendan's hand "You know where to get them, I just need one more fix, an I swear I'll stop"

Brendan shook his head "Lie back"

"Brendan"

"Hey, _lie back"_ Ste sighed and laid down hard on the bed not unlike a stroppy outburst Brendan almost chuckled at it. He took the rose out of Ste's hand and sat closer on the bed next to him.

"Ye are feeling this craving now?"

Ste nodded "Yeah, I know you can get me some Brendan. I'll give you the money"

"Shush." Brendan held the rose flower against Ste's mouth quieting him. "Close your eyes"

"Bren…" Ste tried to speak but Brendan raised his eyebrows in argument, the younger man huffed his arms across his chest and closed his eyes. The rose brushed lightly against his long lashes and down the curve of his nose gently, smoothed over his cheek and across his lips. Ste parted them a little releasing a little breath. His heart raced against his rib cage, eyes closed only heightened the feeling of the soft petals on his skin.

"All ye need...is to take ye mind off it...and that's what I'm here for, right?" his voice quiet, paced. It had been a long time since he'd heard Brendan's voice so beautiful, loving. Memories of Dublin flushed his mind, a time when it was only them and no one else. A time they got to be that happy and the world had it's meaning again.

Ste's breath trembled as he felt the soft petal flower tickle under the curve of his neck, he held his head back when it touched his Adams apple and hummed in reply. Brendan smirked and traveled the rose against his paler looking skin, it saddened him to know what Steven had done to himself, but he kept up the movements, fed the red velvet textured rose against the flush of his skin. Rounded his nipples invoking a little reaction each time he touched them.

"Ye like that?"

_"Yes"_

Brendan's fingers dragged the rose to his navel and tickled till his stomach caved in with butterflies, watching his cock tighten against his boxers he swallowed and looked up at Ste who gripped against the bed sheets. Brendan moved the flower over Ste's covered length and moaned as Ste did, it began to tent at the material. Brendan dragged it up and down a few times, until Ste was whimpering, hips moving up and eyes struggling to stay closed.

"Brendan"

Brendan stopped and moved closer to Ste, whispered close into his ear "Every time ye feel like ye want to take that stuff tell me, and I will take your mind off it. Ye are never going back to that life again. Open your eyes"

Ste fluttered his eyelashes open and darted his gaze with Brendan's "I love you"

Brendan grinned and placed a kiss against Ste's mouth, Ste moved his tongue against Brendan's and held his fingers wide through his dark hair gripping a firm hold keeping the kiss going.

Brendan parted them and held up the rose and smirked dancing his eyebrows. Ste smiled wide and took it back in his fingers "That were amazing"

"Hmm, full of surprises me, and like I say, whole bunch of em at home. This is me going soft"

"Bring me one each day?" Ste plopped the rose against Brendan's nose with a giggle.

"Okay, move up" Brendan bumped his body into Ste's with a wink, turned and held Ste against his chest, Ste clawed with his fingers over his top and looked at the rose in his other hand. Couldn't stop smiling. He'd lied, the cravings were still as strong as they always were, but sat in his arms it didn't matter, his body shivered and Brendan pulled the covers over them. Brendan knew too gripping his hold warmer for him. Ste placed the rose at his nose and took in its scent.

"You know it's gonna take more than this though? I love you care, an want to help, but that's not always going to work"

"Maybe I could try my tongue then?"

"Bren!"

"Okay, I know! Ye still enjoyed it. _I had ye melting"_

"Bren, why haven't you touched me yet?"

"I am touching ye now Steven" Brendan tightened his grip around Ste to prove his words.

"Is it because of John Paul?"

"No" Brendan really didn't want to discuss them together; he couldn't figure out what was worse him or Douglas. Brendan shivered.

Ste strained his head up to look at Brendan who instantly caught his eyes. "I miss you" Ste's hand stroked over Brendan's trousers, he jolted with it and sat up removing Ste's hand.

"Get some sleep okay? I will be here when ye wake up"

"Brendan"

"No Steven, ye need to rest now"

* * *

Ste was watching the dusky sky turn from a bright orange to deep blue as the night began to crawl in. The recent weeks passed by quickly for him, he'd not touched any drugs, and when he'd wanted too this time he had Brendan to help fight it. The cravings in the beginning had been hard to get over, but his reason for living was back again. All he wanted was to spend his life with Brendan. That strength helped him try overcome his habit, that and the meetings with his counsellor.

It hadn't completely left him though, it still sometimes niggled the back of his mind and occasionally had days where he'd think about it, it was a battle he'd have to fight his whole life now. Ste took a deep breath and padded over to his bed and looked at the time, he missed Brendan when he wasn't here. He loved the evenings best because it was when they lay close to each other. Nothing had happened between them, not because they didn't want it, but because Ste was too weak.

His body in the beginning had been so frail, thin. Over time he began to eat properly, and the saline drip-fed into his veins goodness his body needed to make him fit again. He had been thinking about it though, and their earlier moment had lit a fire deep within him, Ste tried to encourage something between them, but Brendan was too protective.

He arrived eventually and Ste had prepared, with a little help from a porter he'd made friends with. He gazed at the one red rose that stood tall in the over sized vase he now had and smiled. Brendan's support had never been more important to him, but Ste missed their closeness, that craving he found he needed more than anything else.

Brendan halted his movement watching Ste's mischievous face looking at him." Erm, what's going on?"

"Nothin…_come here"_ Ste gestured his finger at Brendan who dropped his coat on the chair. Ste took him into his arms once he's held his body high on his knees, kissing deeply and taking Brendan by surprise. His hand held against Brendan's zipper.

"Remember when you said you'd take my mind off things" Ste nibbled his ear lobe longer "You know what I need"`

"Steven, I can't"

"Why do you keep refusing me? Do I disgust you now?" Ste's eyes glaze over as he gets himself upset.

"Don't ye ever think that. Look at ye, so beautiful. Ye know how I feel, I always want ye"

"Prove it then. How can ya act so cold? It's been years, _touch me"_

"I want ye better first, stronger"

"I wont break if you fuck me, I might scream but you always did have that effect" Ste winked and moved in for a kiss which Brendan reciprocated eagerly. He wasn't wrong, he wanted the younger man again, and it hurt to refuse him. The kisses became too much for Brendan, and he moved away from the bed.

"I'm gonna go get…I'll be back soon" Brendan thumbed to the door and moved swiftly

"Brendan don't…_please, I need you._"

"I won't be long, promise" Brendan's eyes implored forgiveness as he left.

Ste fell back down on his bed feeling rejected; his hands cradled his heavy head.


	2. Chapter 2

Missing You. Part 2 of 3

It was late and the only real light in the wards' long corridors was the light at the staff areas. He could hear monitors beep, hushed voices. The family room flickered with the pictures on the TV screen and eyes watched him as he passed by. A few patients there sat watching passing the boredom.

The main areas quieter now, the odd doctor and nurse moving quickly between departments. Outside he was met with a waft of smoke that swirled in front of him, the smell foul. His nose wrinkled up with his mouth.

"You want one?" A young girl offered Brendan her packet of cigarettes, he shook his head.

"No, I don't smoke"

"Oh okay, probably best. They're not good for you"

"So I hear" Brendan shrugged with a wiry smile. The air humid, as dusk descended over the sky he watched the orange pinky glow sighing loudly. He couldn't believe he'd left Ste like that, but he is so vulnerable at the moment, Brendan's focus his recovery.

"Wanna talk about it?" The girl again. He didn't want to be rude but chatting was the last thing on his mind right now.

"I've been in a while now; the place scared me at first. Hospitals, they are like that especially when you have to stay in"

Brendan turned to look at her "I'm visiting, but have spent most of my days here"

"Oh? A relative? Partner?"

Brendan wasn't sure how to answer that question anymore, he wasn't sure they'd even got back together again. "My boyfriend, he's in here" He went with his heart, that's what Steven was to him.

"Aw, that's lovely. He took drugs too huh?" The girl saddened and brought her arms up to her chest, dressing gown hanging loose around her smaller frame.

"What?!"

"It's what a lot of patients here are for. I am too. I always thought I'd get away with it, in the end half the time I took it to block out the bad things in my life you know? Now I've irreversible damage and I've lost everything"

Brendan's mouth held open a little as he listened to the woman. She seemed so young to have been told such a thing. The side effects of drug taking never more on show. Brendan swallowed and moved to touch her arm, she felt frail and tiny.

"I'm sorry, is there no recovery?"

"No, but I took them a long time though. That man of yours, make sure you stick by him, because once you lose the person who keeps your world together, the harder it becomes to fight for yourself"

The girl smiled turning to leave "I hope he'll be okay, by the looks of it, you're a keeper" Her wink lightens Brendan, he watches her walk back into the hospital slowly, obviously in pain. He thinks about Steven, and wonders why he's stood out here rather than being with him. Cherishing him, because life isn't always so kind.

* * *

A noise behind him has Ste turning. Looking up as Brendan pushed open the door, standing there in the doorway he hadn't said a word, just looked at him intently.

"Are you okay? Brendan?"

Brendan moved to the bed quickly gripping the bed sheet in his hand and flinging it off Ste, the younger man stared in anticipation and noticed the look Brendan had. He was starved for him; he could see it in his eyes. Ste's heart raced, body flushed instantly under the watchful eyes of Brendan. Ste swallowed and lowered his hands slowly to the edge of his top and dragged the material up in folds.

Brendan's eyes followed his movements, close enough to help, but he didn't, just watched carefully. The hair on Ste's legs as thick as ever, Brendan's hand moved to stroke over the softness of it, trailed his finger pads slowly up to his thighs and the smooth contact took his breath. The feel of Ste's skin breathed life back into his lungs again.

Ste's arms crossed while his hands pulled off the blue top he wore and let it drop to the floor, eyes still on Brendan; he was now left in his boxers. His cock prominent through his boxers, Brendan held his hands either side of him as he moved down and cupped his mouth against it, sucked through the cotton at Ste's cock darkening the colour of the material with his saliva. Ste hitched a breath and Brendan turned his head to look at him backing off to remove his trousers.

Ste feels the flush spread over his skin like a wildfire; it burns desire through his pores. He watches Brendan walk over to the bottom of the bed and wait a moment. He's thinking, Ste knows what he wants and when his hands round his ankles and move them apart it tingles between his open thighs.  
All it takes is a look from Brendan, eyes that push all the right buttons. Ste knows he's blushing before his body makes it clear. He's hot when they're together and like this the heat produces on tap. A little sweat beads down his neck, and it's him that makes him feel like this, hot erotic, sexy.

Brendan cherishes Ste every time, loves Brendan's big hands on him, those hands that not only protect but tease the breath from his lips. Ste held his arm out to him and Brendan climbed on the bed and straddled over his legs. Lowered till their mouths were almost touching, Ste placed his hands against the metal of the headboard and griped his fingers tightly, gazed up through his long eyelashes and connected with Brendan's blue eyes.

_"I want to make love to ye."  
_  
Ste swallowed deeply _"Take your time, I want to feel you everywhere"_

Brendan thumbed down Ste's hips and rid his body of the boxers while Ste pulled out Brendan's length and made him thicken in his palm, ripped open a condom packet and rolled it over him. They didn't kiss just watched each other intently. Brendan's hands stroked Ste's legs open, his body jerking with Ste's hand held tight palmed. He let go and held his hand back at the while metal of the bed behind him, watched Brendan move himself lower, keeping Ste's gaze as he did, watched the younger man gasp aroused before he'd even touched him.

Brendan parted Ste's cheeks and fingered across the pink hole, Ste jolted with it, hips keening with hunger.

"Nobody touched ye here?"

"No, never anyone else" Ste was breathless, heart beating so fast.

"Ye remember how I touch ye?" Brendan leaned down and licked a wide tongued line across Ste's entrance. "And how ye liked it"

_"I remember everything…"_ Ste's head sank against the pillow behind him as Brendan's tongue entered his insides. The warm wet feeling surrounding his walls inciting a pleasure no man besides Brendan had ever managed too.

Ste let go of the bed, gripped his hands into Brendan's hair holding tightly pulled him in closer. Widened his legs to drape over the sides of the bed and rocked his hips against Brendan's playful tongue. Ste can feel Brendan's tongue tickle inside him,rough wet strikes that coil and coat his walls moist. His dick pools wet as he keens his hips up at the feeling of it, Brendan's moustashe and beard pressed close to his skin it brushes softly against his cheeks.

Brendan captures Ste's wet pre come on his thumb when it secretes and circles it around the head of his erection,pressing into the slit feels like a spark of static each time,surges through his veins and hardens his nipples sensitive to the touch.

Ste hisses with pleasure,squeezes and pulls at them making Brendan flick his eyes up to watch. Changing his position he moves and laps away the pre come off his cock with a precise tongue, suckles more away with an open mouth and when their eyes connect they stay that way and make each other's arousal heighten to almost climax.

Brendan studies his young lover, his eyes closed and mouth so wide. He looks in bliss and so beautiful. Brendan fists his sheaved cock and placed it at Ste's hole.

_"Hey"_ Brendan spoke and when Ste opened his eyes and looked at him he pushed inside him. Ste gasped and then smiled. Brendan too, moving down across Ste and settling close to his face he slowly inched all the way in.

"I want ye" Brendan's voice sends a thrill through Ste's body,shamefully pooling more pre come at the head of his cock and Brendan grins. Teases moving up his body so slowly Ste nearly passes out with the way he looks at him.

"Bren...make me come" Ste feels Brendan enter him so deeply he needs to be reminded just how to breathe again. His thickness fills him so tightly there's not an inch he doesn't feel penetrate him. In and out, upward thrusts at his sweet spot and it's then he hears his low cries, those moans that echo ecstasy. Ste opens his eyes to see Brendan's and his mouth that's parted and panting as he enters his walls.

_"So tight"_ he whispers

He'd waited so long for his touch. Ste's body blossomed into goose bumps. Nothing felt more right.

He wanted to moan louder, scream even, but where they were prevented it.

"I missed this, _us" _Brendan kisses against Ste's neck as he spoke

Ste lifted his legs and tied them in a cross behind Brendan. Lifted them higher, clenched his muscle for a tighter friction that had them moaning together. Brendan took his time with Ste, methodical movements, the walls tight, every push and pull heightened their arousal. Brendan eased back, eyes firmly hypnotising Ste's, his hands clasped Ste's arms above his head, mouth held open he ghosted their lips together and rocked in and out with slow, deep thrusts.

They kissed finally and Ste couldn't suppress the noises anymore. He didn't care anymore he wasn't gonna hold back for anybody. Brendan followed suit moaning too, directly into Ste's ear along with words spoken only for Ste. "_You're so fucking perfect"_

"Just kiss me"

Ste whimpers as his legs move higher, fingers drag his hole wider and Brendan kisses air back into his lungs again. They kiss forever, deep slicked tongue strokes while their bodies writhe as one with wet heat.

_"_Uh…oh…god_…Brendan"_ Ste's arms tightened along with his legs, hips moving higher, his prostate banged against harder, faster as Brendan's orgasm built up into a fever. Ste's cock rubbed against Brendan's belly, created enough friction, he climaxed with it, with Brendan buried deep inside him.

"_I love you." _Ste's frantic with his words, his kisses. Cannot get enough of Brendan_. "_ _I never stopped I swear."_

"I know. _I do_. I'm sorry I made ye feel so bad before, and I know ye needed comfort. I have never stopped wanting ye" Brendan whispered_, "It kills me to think of anyone else touching my boy"_

_"I'm still your boy?"_

Ste choked as the tears fell he held Brendan tightly against his body.

_"Ye always will be, I love ye Steven_" Brendan's voice barely a whisper against his ear, the warm words traveled through Ste's body and made it tremble. Brendan tried to move but Ste held on tighter.

"Stay inside me, please. I need to feel you still" Ste's hands smoothed over the peach of Brendan's arse and held him closer.

_"Okay."_ Brendan's lips cupped against Ste's earlobe and kissed pulled against the flesh lovingly_._

Ste relaxed his body a little then, moved his legs down but kept them crossed, his feet settles over his soft arse and stroked back and forth against the skin and scatter of hair. Brendan continued to kiss at his body, moving from his ear to the side of his neck, lazy tongued kisses, little suckles and bites keeping his body still electrified.

"Did you dream of us?" Ste asked in a low voice, the lights out and curtains drawn slightly he watched the moonlight as the world slowed down for them.

"Hmm, a lot actually" Brendan moved a little just so he could look into Ste's blue crystal eyes again and swim in them. His thumb traced over his soft lips. "They were different ones. Some we were like this, and I was making ye wet"

Ste smirked "I had those dreams too, a lot" Ste sucked Brendan's thumb into his mouth and kept it there while his tongue shifted it's length.

"Yeah?"

Ste nodded releasing his thumb. "I masturbated thinking of you. I came with your name on my lips"

"I thought of ye too. Whenever I was alone it was ye who kept me company,ye kept me going in the darkest of times"

An don't laugh I bought something…_you know_."

Brendan widened his eyes "I know do I?"

Ste blushed "Cause I wasn't having anyone else…only you. I pictured us together, and it was in the beginning when you first left"

"So…you pictured me when you used a d…"

"Shurrup Bren! It's embarrassing enough okay?"

"It's not. Just when I think ye can't surprise me more. maybe I can watch ye use it now, hmm?" Brendan grinned kissing Ste and licking into his mouth.

"Really? You'd wanna see me do that?"

"Yeah, cause I do. _Show me."_

"Okay" Ste nibbles his bottom lip through his grin, Brendan's eyes are seducing him, flirty. He's so hot; he can feel their heat boiling to the touch.

"What else ye buy? Am I gonna be seeing handcuffs, leather?"

"Can ya pack it in?"

"Blindfold? Ah Steven ye are a minx" Brendan's laugh booms around the room and Ste can't help laugh with him, this moment couldn't be more embarrassing, or amazing.

"Brennnnn"

"Stevennnnn"

"Bloody sod"

Ste's colour changes to deep magenta, his eyes flick at the window for a moment trying to hide his embarrassment, but he needn't bother, Brendan loves that about him, turns him on. Brendan uses his fingers to bring their lips together again, and for untold moments they kiss forever, such languid and sensual movements it causes Ste to shiver through them, they're getting to know each others mouths again, tongue strokes creating throbs in their groins.

Brendan moved off Ste and pulled him against his chest as he laid back on the bed "This is forever now Steven"

Ste nodded "We get our happy ever after. How can we though when I've messed up? Look at me Bren, waste of space druggie"

"Ye pack that in, we will fight this together, I don't care how hard the challenge. Ye are everything; I can't live my life without ye. Only reason I survived in there was knowing I'd find ye again"

"Listen to you, you turned romantic."

"Being in that place changes ye, I realised once I got out things would be how it should be. I am gonna look after ye, provide the future ye deserve. Get our kids back"

Ste feels the loss as Brendan moves up and pulls on his boxers again. Ste edges up and Brendan pulls the cover over them. Ste slips into Brendan's comforting arms and settles at his chest.

"When are you gonna ask me?"

"What?"

"Why"

"I just hoped you'd tell me" Brendan fingers through Ste's hair holding on tighter. "What's it like?"

"It's like…being taken to another world. I know you walk around still, and see people" Ste nudged himself up a little "But it's more relaxed, and you don't even care. Like… if someone started shouting at you for instance. You'd just laugh it off. Or on the other hand, you can get angry and snap at people." Ste flicked his gaze at Brendan quickly.

"The comedown is bad though, the craving hurts so bad."

Brendan takes a deep sigh listening to Ste talk, continuing to stroke his hair up through his fingers and map it down flat again. His lips come down and kiss him there too, more than once; it's a comfort thing for him as it is for Ste he finds. Laying here with Ste in his arms is more than he'd dreamed of; he was scared to let go.

Ste seemed to realise something was wrong and squeezed his body closer, kissed against his chest hair and combed through it with his hand. He too having the same thoughts, how they'd cope without each other again. It wasn't even a factor.

Ste was determined but it was going to be difficult. "Bren, I am never gonna be able to beat this without you. I wanted to…_I wanted to die without you."_

"I think ye should know, John Paul told me, about ye trying to…" Brendan falters

"Oh Bren…I'm sorry. He shouldn't have told you that"

"We will beat it together, I won't leave again, and I know those words are hypocritical. I wont though. Look, Chez asked me to visit her in Ireland, yeah? She wants ye to come too. How about this, we leave here and go to stay at Chez's. There I can help ye beat this, no interruptions, just us. What do ye think? Will ye come to Ireland?"

"I don't know how I feel about Cheryl. It was her fault I lost you"

"Steven"

"No right"! It was, she ripped my life apart, OUR life. I can't just pretend I am okay with it"

"So ye want to stay here?"

"No…I think getting away is a good idea, I will need professional help though too, agreed?"

"Yes."

"And I want to visit Dublin again, and this time we do a love lock"

"Okay, sounds like a plan. Good days" Ste looked up at Brendan and they repeated the words and sealed it with a kiss that wasn't interrupted.

"Cool, I am excited now" Ste smiled. Brendan's hand wandered lower and felt against Ste's soft cock.

"Doesn't feel like it to me" Brendan smiled as Ste looked up at him.

"Put me in your mouth" Ste's begging with the thumb he traces against Brendan's lips but he's not ashamed one bit, so many years without each other, he just wants to relive everything, every touch, movement, and kiss. His selfish side completely on show. Brendan is feeling the same though, and doesn't need to be asked, he'll explore Ste's body now and again later, throughout the night. The hours wont ever be enough for them.

Brendan crawled lower down the bed and under the covers. Ste groaned as his lips took him inside his mouth soft and sucked gently, languid, Ste ached with it, body tingling. He wanted this feeling to last, Ste flopped into the pillow and opened his eyes, mouth relaxed open, his length throbbed as it thickened in Brendan's warm mouth.

"I dreamt of doing this to ye" Brendan's nose brushed through the thick hair on Ste's groin. "I missed touching ye"

"I missed you too, how you made me feel"

Brendan's tongue explored for a while, at his ball sack and up the length, tonguing out the pre come he spurted between the slit and circling the head with it. Brendan's mouth felt inviting, wet and hot, his body juddered and writhed, hips keening. Brendan's arms crept up the glaze of sweat over his stomach and thumbed into the navel as it caves in and out quickly each breath. The climax is heavy, sexy because Brendan keeps sucking his cock as he comes. Ste's hands tighten against the white sheets almost ripping them off the bed then relaxes limp when he's emptied.

Brendan licks his lips when he creeps back up the bed, moaning as he kisses Ste's salty taste into his own mouth. "Like that did ye?"

"Always" Ste lifted his leg across Brendan's body and played gently with his ball sack and length, nuzzling kisses under his chin he sighed "Are you like me, never want to stop touching? I feel like I can't get enough of you"

"Yeah" Brendan smiled stroking his fingers over Ste's back "Doesn't seem real, like a dream or something"

"Best dream ever this, having you back where you belong." his hands warmed Brendan's cock hard squeezing and pulling. Ste's kissing Brendan, amble tongue darting around his mouth swallowing his moans. Brendan turns them, laying over him and rocking into Ste's clenched palm, deepening the kisses. His head slides into Ste's neck when he comes, bites down to muzzle the noises he's making.

_"Hmm, Steven" _Brendan sighs content, strokes over Ste's lips kissing them again.

"I love ye baby"

* * *

The next morning Brendan wakes up alone. He palms at the side of the mattress half asleep and it concerns him Ste not being there. His body turns, eyes still drooping and trying to focus on the room for him.

"Steven?"

There's no answer and as he moves to sit up he stretches, rubs out the sleep from his eyes. It doesn't help much though so he's off the bed and padding over to the sink, there he scoops up a generous amount of cold water and splashes it on his face, now he's awake. After a moment or two, he figures Ste will be at his meeting and settles himself.

The water drips sporadic off his nose and beard. He looks into the mirror and palms at it, he's gotten hairy. Very hairy, he looks around and finds a razor, picks it up and studies it. It doesn't get to come within a hair on his face though. Ste arriving back in the room has realised what's going on and is there stopping him with an instant pout.

"Erm…_whatyathinkyadoin?!"_

_"Ye what?!"  
_  
"What do ya think ya doing?" Ste's arms are folded now and Brendan fights the urge to take him in his arms.

"Having a shave?" Brendan watches Ste shake his head slowly

"Or not" The razor is put down again.

"You look sexy with that beard"

"I thought ye liked the tashe?"

"I do" Ste says a mater of factually and looks at himself in the mirror and frowns. "I look rough"

"Ye look shagged Steven" Brendan finally gets his hands on him, wrapping around his waist so they can look at each other. Ste is blushing and it sends shivers through Brendan's body. "And beautiful"

"How come you keep calling me that now?"

"I've always thought so. I think time is precious now more than ever, and let's face it, we've lost enough haven't we?"

"True, and I like this romantic side, just for me huh?"

"For your eyes only Steven" Brendan squeezes Ste with a tickle of his ribs making him laugh out loud. "Where ye been?"

"I went for a walk, and some air. I just stood outside and looked at the sky"

"Oh? Missed being up there did ye? I can take ye back again if ye like"

Ste shoved Brendan "Pack it in, I just realised I could breathe again so I took in the fresh air a while"

"Fair enough" Brendan got changed and looked up at Ste "I'm gonna go back to the flat, get some new clothes"

"Oh, okay"

Brendan stopped "What's wrong?"

"Jus…just don't like it when ya leave"

"I'll be back"

"I know" Ste slots into Brendan's outstretched arms and giggles as he's pulled in with a jolt. They kiss a while, sensually and it has the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Ste swoons in his arms, the man he loves more than anything, he finally gets to be with him and he's so happy he could burst.

"I wish ye could come with me, soon as ye are discharged I will take ye home"

"Home?"

"Yes home, I am nothing without ye, I ain't ever gonna be apart from ye the rest of my life"

"I love you Brendan"

"I love ye too"

Ste throws himself into Brendan's strong arms. "Don't be long okay"

"Okay" Brendan kisses Ste's forehead and leaves the room with a wink.

* * *

Ireland

Brendan watches Ste sleep on the plane, they're heading for Ireland now after a month or so in hospital Ste is strong enough to leave. Brendan has been overprotective of him and made sure he's being looked after, counselling already put in place, the quarters Cheryl promised waiting for them in the huge estate her and Nate have.

He's snoring a little and chest rising and falling in a perfect rhythm, Brendan just watches him breathe, eyes fond and full of love. His thumb strokes over his hair every now and then, it sometimes has Ste breathing deeply through his nose or angling comfier in his seat. Brendan thinks that deep down he wishes he were awake because as silly as it sounds, he misses him when he is asleep. Brendan wonders what his dreams are about, whether he is apart of them as much as Ste is apart of his.

"You two are sweet" An air steward stops and speaks softly to Brendan averting his gaze for a moment "You been together long?"

"Hard to explain, we kept getting separated, but I like to think we'll spend a lifetime together making up for lost time"

"Aw, that's lovely. He's a lucky guy"

"I'm the lucky one, blessed to have met him."

"Can I get you a drink? Something to eat?"

"Yeah, can I get a coffee? Maybe a soft drink for Steven as I don't know when he'll wake" The air steward nodded and brought Brendan the beverages. He looked through the window as they flew into Ireland.

Brendan woke Ste up with a kiss and a smile that would melt ice. Ste's heart jumped every time he saw him. "Hey" Ste bit against his lower lip flicking his eyes up at Brendan.

"Hey sleepy head. We've arrived, look" Brendan rounded his head to the window as Ste leaned across to gaze over the airport.

"Wow, sorry I fell asleep through the flight, but I do feel good for it" Ste stretched his arms high cracking the stiffness out of his body. Brendan's eyes managing to capture the naval and curve of Ste's stomach, he thumbed over it with a grateful hum. Ste chucked wriggling his top back down. They moved and exited the plane settling inside the airport and grabbing their bags. They passed a coffee shop on the way out and Brendan grabbed them both a drink before they made their way to Cheryl's home.

Ste is apprehensive exiting the taxi, its been a good two years since he was here last, and the place looks even bigger to look at. The estate grand, pompous even. Ste takes in a deep breathe and tries to put on a happy face for Brendan. He doesn't get chance to think of a way to deal with seeing Cheryl because her heels loudly informs them she's seen them arrive.

_"OH MY GOD"._ Brendan rolls his eyes, her greetings never change, her high heels scrape the concrete with a loud clacking noise. Shrieking, her arms settle around both him and Ste. Her delight there for all to see.

"I'm so happy to see ye together again, I can't believe ye both look so different!"

"Probably because we're no longer apart, him languishing in prison and me half asleep on drugs" Ste snaps in a low and condescending tone that has Cheryl looking at him and unsteady on her feet. Her laugh is awkward and eyes pleading as she looks to her brother for a little support. She doesn't get it because his eyes are solely focused on Ste and his needs are Brendan's priority right now.

Ste struggles and feels uneasy, still blaming her for the way they were cruelly separated. It's hard not to feel contempt for her. He looks up at the home she has, Brendan never had such comfort all that time in prison did he? He had to spend that time alone inside because of her. Ste does remember how she did save Brendan though, how without her Brendan would've never come back from the devastation his father would've done. Ste approached hesitant, hugged her back then. At least he had Brendan back now.

Cheryl sees the hostility, and even though she didn't expect anything more, it hurts her. Brendan notices too, and pulls Steven closer to him, squeezes reassurance. Cheryl backs off a little leaving them too it, looking over them she realises what they lost and how much they need each other. Expecting Ste to forgive what she took from him pushing it, the feelings were too deep, raw. Nate appears by her side and she smiles sighing.

"Do ye want to see where you'll be staying?"

Ste clings to Brendan and nods. Their hands become entwined as they walk towards the mansion before them. It's like an apartment where they're shown to, lounge, bedrooms and a kitchen. Ste walks into it and takes a breath, black marble counter top, and wooden fittings. It's perfect. Ste hasn't cooked in such a long time; his fingers trail the length of the counter until he reaches the stove. He's already planning their first meal together.

Brendan leans against the doorway and smiles watching him, he's still thin, he always was, but even so he does need to gain a little weight as part of his recovery.

"Ye gonna make my tea then?"

"Maybe" Ste replies turning to smile "If I aint forgotten how to cook"

"Highly doubt that Steven. I'll make a crème brulee too"

"Better make sure there's a blowtorch in here then ey?" They laugh and Brendan pushes off the door frame, walks over to Ste who's waiting for him. Ste's breath leaves his body when he's lifted onto the counter, Brendan slots perfectly between his thighs, Ste holds him there with his legs, drapes his arms loose over his shoulders. They kiss and hold each other. Twisting their mouths and angling differently to gain more pleasure from it, their tongues work magic between them.

"Hmmm, yummy" Ste sighs as the kiss breaks, giddy in love.

"Let's put our things away" Brendan helps Ste down and leads the way to a master bedroom that's so big it could be mistaken for a flat.

"Oh my god, look at this place!" Ste's eyes widen "Even an en suite!"

"Well, it is a mansion Steven"

"And the grounds are massive!" Ste's voice lowers as he disappears off onto a balcony out of two French windows. Brendan eventually joins him and leans his hands on the side.

"Okay, wow"

"Told ya!"

"We'll have to explore wont we?"

"Hmm" Ste nods in agreement "How about a moonlit walk?"

_"Moonlit?"_

"Yeah, and you can hold my hand too" Ste's sly as he sneaks up next to Brendan with a sheepish grin plastered on his face. He bites nervously at his bottom lip, butterflies fluttering their wings at the insides of his tummy, they tickle.

"Sounds…romantic"

Ste nods again and fingers into Brendan's hands "No one will see…"

"I don't care who see's, not anymore"

Ste's eyes sparkle gazing into Brendan's, they hypnotise him sometimes, he can't stop drowning in them. Dares to believe that happy ever after is within reach now. His hand grips tighter making Brendan look down.

"Ye okay?"

"I'm better than okay, I have you back again"

* * *

Ste ran as hard as he could up the gravel path, heart pounding at his rib cage. Sweat poured from him and his clothes hung tight against his body, he wanted to rip them off, constricted and breathless. Behind him was Brendan's voice, it was distorted but he could still hear the fear in it, the same fear he had feeling this way again. It ached at his body, fed him lies, his mind working overtime with false thoughts. Why couldn't it just go away, and let him be happy.

They'd been sat down having tea, he'd cooked for them, it was perfect. Then the stupid cravings start up again, he can't stand it. Instead of ruining their meal he excuses himself, but Brendan is already up on his feet and asking what's wrong, and he can't lie to him anymore. Ste can't bare to see the pity though either, so instead of facing that he ran.

He collapsed of exhaustion eventually, couldn't run any further, his heart almost jumping out of his throat now. Brendan skidded on the gravel finally gaining on Ste he stopped to bring himself down to him. Brendan reached out to touch but Ste shrugged him away.

"Get off me"

"Steven, let me help ye"

"Get me a fix then"

"No…I can't lose ye again. It just takes time…"

"Don't tell me time heals! It's a fucking lie! Look at me, this is what time did to me, without you…there was no point Brendan. None."

"I can't keep apologising"

"I don't want you too. I just need you to understand the pain, it hurts, it hurts so bad"

Brendan sits next to Ste and doesn't move, doesn't touch him even though he wants too. "I can see it does, It is killing me to watch ye suffer"

Ste begins to shake and curls himself up tightly. Brendan's hand strokes over his hair. "Did ye get to see Lucas and Leah after I left?"

Ste looks up at Brendan "Yeah, but I sent them back to Amy cause I couldn't look after them anymore"

"Right then, there is your reason to fight. Fight for ye to get better. Then ye can get them back again"

"Us as a family again?"

"We will fight for that, just like we used too. I'll tell them bedtime stories, Leah liked the hairy man"

"Daddy Brendan" Ste laughed as he sobbed into his pulled up knees.

"Yeah" Brendan whispered, "Daddy Brendan, ye want that again don't ye?"

"More than anything Bren" Ste's eyes reddened and swelled with the tears.

"Come here…" Brendan's arms pulled Ste close and felt Ste hold him desperately sobbing.

"Maybe if I just have another fix…then I will feel strong enough too…" Ste's words are stopped by Brendan's hand against his lips; he shakes his head eyes determined. Ste closes his eyes and fights the pain, it makes him shake badly.

"You gotta rose?" Ste speaks after an eternity of silence between them, Brendan's arms are still strong holding around his smaller frame.

"Why? Ye want me to seduce ye with one again?" Brendan smiles against Ste's neck before he bites against it softly. "I'm sure I can find one"

Ste warms with his embarrassment and pulls Brendan closer to him, resting his head to the side where Brendan's face is. His wet matted eyelashes flick up and meets his eyes, they're looking at his lips so Ste parts them a little, and Brendan glances to his eyes instead. "Kiss me like you missed me" Ste asks with a hushed tone.

Brendan moves down and does so, kisses so soft Ste feels his head spin dizzy. There's something bout Brendan's kisses now, they cherish him like never before. Ste's fingers feel the width of his neck, against the wispy hair. Ste tickles the pads of his fingers there and Brendan jolts a little with it, deepens his kiss and Ste thinks he must have missed him for a lifetime. Brendan parts the kiss once their breaths shallow enough for air. Ste's smiling and the older man thumbs against it head shaking a little.

"Tá tú álainn sin, breá liom tú."

"What did you say?"

"What I always say to ye"

"That you're beautiful, and I love ye"

"Aw!" Ste gives Brendan a little shove that's reciprocated with a smile that has Ste swooning in his arms.

"Ye feeling better?"

"No, but I'm just focusing on this, us. And I'm thanking the world for bringing you back to me"

"How about we have that walk ye asked for huh? And then I'll..."

"Take me to bed?"

"Too right I will"

Ste grins and stands up helping Brendan up to his height, they kiss again and Ste feels Brendan's fingers intertwine with his own, it has him looking down and it might seem silly but it's the best feeling in the world right there. Brendan swings him around and walks ahead pulling him along playfully until Ste catches up and hugs closely to his arm and squeezing his hand to make sure it's not a dream. While they walk, Ste looks up at the moon high in the sky,stars shining like a sprinkling of silver hundreds and thousands across the sky.

Brendan's not looking though, too busy watching Ste and his face, it doesn't look troubled any more and if he is in any pain he's disguising it well. In this pale light he can see Ste's face clearly, his cheekbones are still slightly raised, still gaunt but he's getting better and stronger each day that passes. Brendan doesn't regret his decision to bring them here, it was what was needed, this time together had healing powers for them both.

"I know ya looking" Ste bites and scrapes his teeth along his bottom lip before glancing sideways.

"Yeah? Betcha don't know what I'm thinking though do ye?"

"Ummm...that I'm beautiful...an ya lerve me"

"Nope, I was thinking I could murder a steak, I'm starving" Brendan laughs when Ste exasperates shoving him away but pulling back on him twice as fast holding him close again.

"Ya always hungry though"

"For ye?"

"And steak"

"Don't forget the chips Steven"

"I'll cook one for ya, a mooin steak an chips"

"Mooin steak, sound like a plan that does. When we get back?"

"It's too late, tomorrow night" Ste sighs resting his head on Brendan's shoulder they walk through the vast grounds a while, there's a lot of trees around, and when they think there can be nothing else they come to a lake with a boathouse. Brendan and Ste look at each other and shrug in unison.

"Bloody show off's int' they?" Ste grumbles a little, pout a mile wide, it stops Brendan walking.

"What?"

"Well, she had all this an you...well it don't seem right Bren" Ste lets go of Brendan's hand and walks closer to the embankment as Brendan watches. Ste picks up a rock and tosses it as hard as he can into the lake with a grunt. The stone plops hard into the water sending a moonlight slivered ripple across the calm water. He repeats the motion again and again getting angrier each time. Brendan strides over to him and stops Ste before he can throw anymore. His eyes glisten with the glaze of tears, and Brendan thumbs over them.

"So much heart ache Bren, for both of us. And she gets all this"

"Steven, please." his hand is soft when it touches the curve of Ste's cheek "It was the worst time for both of us, but it's made us stronger. Look at us now, nothing, _no one_ will ever part us again." Brendan cups his lips lightly over Ste's until he reciprocates his kiss. Brendan's other hand touches the side of his body, unhooking his top to feel the warm skin beneath it, stroking goosebumps through a surge of electric pulses. Ste hums with it, pushing to his tip toes and deepening their embrace. Brendan has this perfect way of changing the subject and right now Ste doesn't want to stop. Feels his hand creep up and round his body, brushing around his nipple, bringing their kiss to a halt, Brendan rests his forehead against Ste's and touches him, little strokes and movements that inverts his stomach.

Ste's breathless when he's lifted and moved up against a tree, the width of the trunk wide but he still manages to curl his arms around it, high above his head, Brendan holds him there, unzips him and pulls down his trousers. Ste shivers as the cool air touches his length and the wet pre come, its like a cold tingle, makes him harden more, the anticipation crawls through his veins.

Brendan frees himself and pulls his dick hard "I've no...I've no condoms Steven"

"I was always safe, I promise you. What about..." Ste falters he's no right to feel jealous, but he can't help it, he doesn't want to know but at the same time he needs too. "Did you use protection?"

"Yes, I'm sorry Steven...it was..."

"I don't care, well I do, but I've no right too. Just let it be us now"

Brendan kissed Ste desperately, and felt around his entrance with his sleeked wet fingers, stretched him out a little, Ste moaned and hit his hand away grabbing Brendan and placing him at his hole.

"I want to feel you"

"Ye know it will hurt, I can't hurt ye anymore"

"This is different" Ste whispered and tightened his legs around Brendan's back till he felt his cock push past the resistance. Ste's mouth held wide, it stretched him, and the pain didn't last long, it felt amazing and real. Brendan thrust high inside Ste, frantic desperate movements that had Ste's nails scoring red lines down his spine. His screams filled the large secluded area they were in, arms holding on to the bark of the tree again his body moved against it in jolts.

"Bren...fuck...harder"

Brendan growled and gripped a hold of Ste's hands linking them, his hip thrusts quickened and rode inside him hitting his prostate again and again climaxing inside Ste hard. Ste came with him, the feel of Brendan's warm come inside him too much to bare.

"God I love how you feel inside me" Ste rocked with Brendan through their come down licking their tongues wet.

"Ye are so fucking amazing Steven, I just want ye forever"

They make their way back to the house, more loved up than ever. The tree bearing their mark, 'Brendan loves Steven' Ste carved it into the bark as Brendan got himself presentable again. He stopped him before he sealed the gesture in a large heart shape. Even so, he liked the idea they'd always have that tree as a reminder.

"Ow" Ste winced a little as he walked rubbing his backside. "Reckon I got splinters in me arse now"

"Not my fault ye get me horny is it? Ye loved it anyway"

"Always do"

"Want me to check out you're arse?"

"Don't ya always do that? I've seen ya looking"

"For splinters! Jesus"

"Ha ha, yeah go on then. When we're in bed though"

"Course, then I can kiss it better" Ste's laugh booms through the evening darkness and lightens Brendan. They near the house and let themselves in.

After a thorough check there are no splinters, but a few marks that will attest to their nocturnal activity a while. Ste lays in bed as Brendan undresses himself and slots behind the younger man, pulls his body close so they can mold the perfect piece together. Brendan kissing the back of his neck and shoulder blade, he smiles with it and makes room for his lips to travel the curve of this neck too. This time when he shakes it's because of his touch and nothing else. Ste feels a little better, some days are worse than others. And with Brendan's hand fanned against his stomach, Ste smiles and allows his eyes to close for sleep.

* * *

One year later.

The last year had taken him by a storm, getting clean and healthy again Brendan and Ste had decided to stay in Dublin and start their life together. Using the money he had from the sale of Chez Chez and a little help from his sister they bought a club together and built it up from the ground up. Deep purples and greens adorned the walls, tables and chairs against the sides of the walls. Deep mahogany finish and benches wrapped in velvet seating.

Brendan and Ste stood and looked around the new club a day before it opened its doors and held each other. Brendan's arms firmly around Ste's waist, and head rested into the curve of his shoulder he breathed in his scent as he nussled close to him. Ste smiled and wrapped his hands against Brendan's turned and kissed at his temple.

"It's amazing Bren"

"Ye think we'll get people in here then?"

"Absolutely, it's perfect. Have you got a DJ sorted?"

"Hmm, interviewed the staff other day, think we have a good team here now" Brendan moved and rounded the bar grabbing a bottle of Champagne and rested it on the bar with two glasses. Ste turned and hopped up onto the bar stool and gripped the glass flute in his hand. The cork popped and Brendan had to move quickly to prevent the bubbling liquid spilling onto the bar, filling each glass they clinked them together.

"To a new start?"

"To our happy ever after" Ste beamed drinking the sweet champagne and laughing as the bubbles ticked at his nose and throat. Looking up at Brendan he hesitated with nerves as another challenge was yet to come, his own restaurant was also due to be open. He needn't have worried because what unfolded that first year rewarded any doubts or nerves many times over.

Ste glided around the kitchen like a pro, checking out each of the dishes laid out on the counter table making them presentable for the camera's in his restaurant. It was a little surreal, but somehow his amazing restaurant had become a hit in Dublin. Placing him firmly on the map as a must visit eatterie, Ste became a well known chef in his own right. It all started when a film crew needed a location to film a restaurant in it's documentary. They approached Ste and with Brendan's encouragement he went ahead with it, thinking the exposure couldn't hurt.

The viewers took to his beautiful looks and amazing cooking skills, the amount of customers tripled and Ste found himself busier than he'd ever been in his life. Eventually hiring sous chefs to help out the restaurant they made bigger after buying the property next door and knocking the building through. Brendan had stood back and leaned against the wall so proud of what his boy had achieved, he never doubted his ability once and Ste had gained strength from his belief in him, the same belief the younger man had once in Brendan to change into the man he now was. Together they could take on any battle the world threw at them and win.

Brendan waited for the camera's to stop and walked over to Ste whose face changed the moment they saw each other. Ste smirked as Brendan's hand held across his chest and walked him back into the kitchen against the while tiled wall and kissed him like it was the end of the world. Giggling could be heard behind them as everyone who dared to look beamed fondly at them through the serving counter.

"Are ye ready?" Brendan asked pursing his lips and holding a finger at Ste's chest, he trailed it down a little.

"No..."

"It's going to be okay, look at what you've achieved huh? Look at what we both have achieved together? Amy will see, we can provide them security and a loving home. More than that you're an amazing father and deserve to be with Leah and Lucas now. You're clean and happy too right?" Brendan winks.

"Happy doesn't begin to describe it Bren, you make my life have meaning again. And having me kids back will make it even better, cause I miss them so much you know?"

"I know ye do, and I will prove to Amy, prove I am a good man"

"I know you're a good man, you're amazing. And was a wonderful Dad to them." Ste held his hands at Brendan's shoulder gripping warmth over them.

"Ste?" Ste turned to look at Amy looking through at them both. Ste moved closer to Brendan and smiled at her.

"Amy, ya look good. How are you?"

"Okay" Amy looks at Brendan "I guess"

Brendan swallowed and moved away from Ste to allow them to get closer. Ste hugged Amy as she glared at Brendan enough to make him doubt himself again. He pointed towards the fridge. "Amy, can I get ye a drink?"

"I don't know, can you?" Amy snapped and Ste held her backwards

"Are you going to start already? We are doing this for the kids remember, and what's best for them"

"Sorry Ste. Brendan, please can I have a cuppa tea?" Amy turned to look at the vast white washed restaurant before her. Adorn with a red detailing it looked modern and swanky. There was no customers at the moment because of the camera crew had been filming so they had the pick of seats.

"We open in an hour, lunchtime. So we can sit together and talk"

"All of us?" Amy asked wide eyed as Brendan clinked down her tea and sat down next to Ste making a point of holding his hand. Amy noticed raising her eyebrows and opening her mouth to catch a fly if there was one around. Brendan hoped there was.

"So, um wow" Amy swallowed as she took a sip of her drink again surprised the tea tasted so good. Brendan was getting irritated by her condescending attacks. Ste squeezed his hand meeting each others gaze. Brendan softened again.

"Ste, the place looks amazing, seriously. We watched you on TV. The kids miss you"

"Not surprising since ye have kept them away so long" Brendan replied already bored of her presence.

"I suppose this is all your doing? Pay for everything did ya, _controlling the situation as always_"

"Actually, Chez helped out and Steven has paid her back with interest, _not like it's any of your business"_

"Will you both pack it in? Amy, this is _MY_ restaurant okay? And yeah the place has done better than I'd hoped. And the fame bit is a little weird, I just use it as promotion really. And we are comfortable, have a great home. There's spare rooms for the kids to stay, you could come and see. They'd love it honest" Ste tries not to sound desperate, but he misses his children so much.

"I'm sure it is, I don't have a problem with them seeing their Dad."

"Great! When? Today, are they with you?"

"My Dad has them at a hotel, I wanted to come alone first, just in case" Amy glances at Brendan again and Ste sees it and angers

"He's a great Dad to them, Leah and Lucas love Brendan."

Brendan shifts uncomfortably "I've a club too, and it's another income Amy. I want to look after Steven and I want to provide for Leah and Lucas too,my own children, Paddy and Declan. I am a different man now, I'm better" His eyes flick up and down nervous that he's going to stop Ste from seeing his kids again, he wonders if walking away is better than this. It's unfair on Ste he's been through enough already. Brendan tries to get up but Ste stops him and shakes his head.

_"You know I cannot do this without you. You leave and there's nothing"_ Ste's eyes glaze over as Amy watches between them. Mouth parted she finally sees the light between them, how it brightens when they're together and dims when they're not. Amy finally sees the love Brendan has for Ste and it's a revelation for her.

_"I can't do this without ye either Steven, I'll never leave ye I promise" _Brendan rests his forehead against Ste's breathing through his nose, Ste holds his hand against his cheek stroking down it carefully.

"Hey, look I won't stop them coming to see you anymore. In fact it'll help me sometimes have a break. Plus it'll be like a holiday for them wont it?" Amy flicks up her eyes as Ste turns to look at her in shock.

"Ya mean they can stay with us?"

"Well not forever but yeah, a week or so? Every now and then, whatever we can come up with"

Ste chokes with tears getting up and hugging Amy tightly sobbing into her shoulder. Amy and Brendan look at each other and Brendan sees her softening as she looks at him, long time coming but if he can bring down her tough exterior he must be doing something right for once. He nods silently thanking her.


	3. Chapter 3

Missing You. Part 3 of 3.

Present Day

Brendan continues to watch Ste sort the breakfast out for the kids and as his gaze is met by Ste the coffee machine beeps turning his attention to that instead. Ste's eyes falter and he moves away into the lounge just as Brendan turns around ready to smile at him. It leaves his face when he realises Ste has gone.

Leah instead captures his eyes and he smiles at her. "Daddy Brendan?"

"Hmm"

"Where's your moustashe gone?"

"It's still here love, it's just kept growing that much it's all over my chin now too" Brendan grins at them both now, as Lucas looks up in interest.

"I'm gonna grow a beard too" Lucas crunches the cereal he's spooned into his mouth speaking while he eats leaving Leah to roll her eyes unimpressed.

"That right? I'll have to teach ye how to shave then wont I?" Brendan replies with a cheeky smile, Lucas nods profusely spooning some more cereal from his bowl.

"Must be why Daddy likes it then" Leah speaks again, evermore so dainty with her eating, she shows Lucas how it's meant to be done. He just shovels more in his mouth with a grin. She sighs watching Lucas eat "_Brother's are so gross sometimes"_

"Daddy said that did he?" Brendan sat down at the breakfast table and sipped at his coffee "What else does Daddy say?"

"Dunno, he just misses you I think. You're not always here"

Brendan's heart aches with her words "I know, we're both so busy at the moment. And your Daddy is so clever isn't he? A famous chef now, so that's why he's busy too"

"He was on TV and we watched him"

"I know, I was really proud."

"We are too" Leah smiled finishing off her breakfast and playing a game of 'I shove you, you shove me' with her brother.

Brendan continued to watch them,drank his coffee and scranned the rest of his toast quickly. He was up to his feet and at the front door waiting to leave as Ste came out of the bedroom dressed in his chef whites, school bags in hand ready to start another day.

"It's mental in the mornings init?" Ste beamed as he passed by. Brendan turned to watch him and sighed.

"I'll see ye later Steven?"

"Yeah Bren you will, are you on a late again?"

"Hmm, about two in the morning. I'll see ye in bed?" Brendan unlocked the door "Steven?"

Ste rushed about in a hurry "Yeah, see ya later."

"I love ye Steven"

Ste stopped moving and looked back at Brendan and smiled "Hey hang on! Why are you leaving now when ya shift doesn't start till later?" Ste looks on puzzled.

"I...erm...have to go buy something...Steven" Leah interrupts Ste taking his attention away from Brendan again. He breathes heavy through his nose and turns to leave.

"I love you too!" Ste shouts as the door closes behind him.

The morning sun had baked the inside of Brendan's car enough for him to open up the windows and blast on the air con. In his suit, his tight fit suit he thought he was actually melting alive. The drive through the streets quiet at this time in the morning, only an odd few cars around. There was one place that he passed while driving where he'd slow down or even stop. The Liffey bridge stood proud across the river. Brendan took the time to remember them, and how once upon a time many years earlier he'd proclaimed his love to Ste on the bridge. Odd occasions he would get out and walk over to the love locks and stand by the one they did together.

It was the first thing they'd done when they first arrived back in Dublin. He remembers the smile Ste had when he locked it and threw the key into the river just how he'd told him. They'd kissed for such a long time afterwards, hundreds of people must have passed by but neither of them even noticed. Then they'd found a flat to rent and bought the club and restaurant. Eventually getting a home together, a proper house, a place they could be a family once again. One time Brendan had been leaving the bridge he'd noticed the jewellers in the distance and had walked over to look in the window at the wedding bands.

The times had never been right, wanting to make sure their businesses took off and their security was there for life, Brendan had held off doing the one thing they both wanted more than anything. Today was that day.

As he strolled into the jewellers his heart kept swelling with his thoughts. He wanted this now, he was sure of it. Remembering the time they baked bread in the deli together, and agreed that marriage 'wouldn't be a bad thing' he knew back then even. He thought about it in those moments they spoke, how he'd do it. Would he get on one knee, because he knew Ste would love that. Or perhaps he'd hide the ring somewhere Ste would find it. In those moments he told him he wanted to take care of him and the kids he'd already began to plan it.

Brendan glanced over the different wedding bands, silvers and gold's. His eyes drew to a platinum ring, diamond cut. It had a slight sparkle to it, Brendan asked the assistant to show it too him. It rolled between his thumb and forefinger, caught the light and shone the brightest of the other rings; at least it did to him. Imagining it on Ste's finger, placing it there, pushing it on himself and sealing it with a kiss. It was all he wanted for them, being a family. They had that now and the security. And even though it had been one of their hardest hurdles, they managed to get back to this place in their lives.

The lady behind the counter smiled with Brendan, noting he was miles away in thought but wherever that was produced the biggest smile. He paid for it then and there, placed it in his pocket and thought about how he was going to get some time for them at last and propose.

* * *

Ste wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow life had got in between them. It had crept up un awares and blown them further apart the longer time had gone on. They were always hands on with each other, and in the beginning Ste couldn't remember a time Brendan didn't have his hands all over him. They'd become a different couple over the last months though, to tired from crazy amounts of hours working, that and juggling the kids when Amy had let them stay six months. Not that either of them were complaining having Leah and Lucas around, if anything they'd got so used to it, the time they'd hand them back grew ever more painful.

Brendan had once said to Ste he wasn't a monk, well now that was becoming a reality and in all honesty Ste couldn't stand not to be ruined by his boyfriend in every position they could think of, and they'd tried the lot.

So it had been two weeks now, and for them it felt a lifetime. Ste was missing Brendan, even though each night they held each other close like they lived out in the coldest of weathers, it had been too long since they touched each other, made love for hours, come so hard they forgot where they even were.

Ste couldn't handle it any longer; their busy work schedule had gotten completely in the way of them and the closeness they craved. Ste found himself hardening every time he kissed Brendan these days, he felt starved of him. As he pondered the next menu to his restaurant, pen in hand and blank sheet in front of him he found himself thinking of other things. What could he do to light that fire again, he knew Brendan and how to push the right buttons, couldn't he use that to his advantage now? Ste bit at the pen lid as he held it there in thought, a smile made it's way across his lips.

His menu finally penned Ste sighed and looked out of the serving window and he was thankful it was getting later in the day and not many people were around. Half his staff had left and the remaining customers were just loved up couples pawing at each other till the house wine had ran out. It spurred him on even more, getting his boyfriends' attention was his priority now.

The last of his customers finally left, dismissing his staff Ste locked up. Then it dawned on him, Brendan was bound to be feeling the same way, but he first had to get him in the mood for it, tease him a little. Ste was good at seduction, or at least he hoped he was. He made a quick call to Amy before he did anything else. Had a good conversation with her, and by the end of the call, she was on her way to pick the kids up for a long weekend away.

* * *

The club was busy when he'd arrived, every member of staff up to their eyeballs in customers. Brendan placed the ring in the safe and took off his jacket, rolled up his shirtsleeves and strode tall into the sea of club goers.

The heat from the lights in the club don't help, they make him sweat, and the body heat off everyone else radiates the large dance space even more. There doesn't seem to be a moment where he gets a break and for the first hour it's completely manic at the bar. His phone buzzes in his side pocket as he's serving a drink. Brendan takes payment and walks over to the till. Before he rings it through he fingers for his phone and unlocks the screen seeing it's a message from Steven.

Message from Steven  
_How long are you gonna make me wait?_

Brendan read the message and puzzled, trying to work out it's meaning. He was sure they hadn't made any plans for tonight; in fact Ste knew he was finishing at two in the morning because they'd spoken about it earlier before he left the house.

Message from Brendan  
_Finishing at 2.  
U forgotten?_

"Erm excuse me? Can I have my change please mate?" A man stood getting agitated and Brendan quickly opened the till and gave it to him.

"Here ye go sir" Brendan replied as the man took the change roughly.

His phone didn't go off again for another half hour but when it did, Brendan made time to look at it.

Message from Steven  
_I wanna play a game._

Brendan couldn't work out what on earth Ste was on about, and began to wonder if he was going mad. A woman barking an order at him delayed his reply, faffing around with a tray of drinks for her his phone beeped once again.

Message from Steven_  
First u need to know the rules.  
U interested_?

Message from Brendan  
_Tell me the rules…_

Message from Steven  
_No touching_

Message from Brendan  
_Touching what myself or u?_

Message from Steven  
_Yourself, u can't touch  
me if I ain't with u_

"Are you ever going to serve me? I have been stood at this bar ages while you mess with your phone!" A customer spits in anger at Brendan who feels frustrated at constantly being interrupted. This is the first time they've spoken this much in ages. He noticed it, the way they never get chance to be with each other. Every day Ste works and himself working till early morning. They're both too exhausted to do anything other than sleep, falling asleep in each other's arms. Brendan hadn't been too sure Ste felt the same, until now. Captivated Brendan allowed himself to disregard his managerial duties to play host to Ste's wishes.

Message from Brendan  
_Ok, u have my attention_

Message from Steven  
_Are u alone?_

Message from Brendan  
_Nope,club packed._

Message from Steven  
_Fell over naked on our bed  
and you're not here._

Message from Brendan  
_U couldn't wait till I got home?!_

Message from Steven  
_I have this problem..._

Message from Brendan  
_What?_

Message from Steven  
_Whenever I think of u my thighs spread._

Message from Brendan  
_They open for me now?_

Message from Steven  
_You've been on my mind all day._

Message from Brendan  
_That must've been embarrassing for the staff_

Message from Steven  
_Ha ha ;P_

Message from Brendan  
_Are u allowed to touch?  
_  
Message from Steven  
_That what u want?  
_

Message from Brendan  
_Yeah, I do._  
_are u hard?_

_Message from Steven  
*Attachment*  
Always hard for u  
Imagining your mouth right here_

Brendan coughs as his eyes widen reading his message, there's a moment he thinks someone is watching him, and can see what's flashed up in full colour on his phone and he feels himself burn up. Eyes flicking to the bar and the staff who are busy with the influx of people and trying to serve them. He moves and his trousers tighten around him, his cock so hard it's a wonder he can walk. Brendan closes his eyes and pockets his phone stepping sideways trying not to reveal his embarrassment.

Ste licks the tip of his tongue across his lips and the smile that's plastered on him like he's the cat who's got the cream. It's only when Ste is at home he thinks about replying to Brendan again. He's naked and stood in front of the mirror, he touches himself, pulls against his cock and thumbs the pre come over the head, eyes closed noises part from his lips as a whimpering. The phone is stopped from recording and Ste grins as he sends the video to Brendan. Crawling over the bed he lays against his erection to calm himself down a bit.

He waits, chin rested on his upturned palm for Brendan to reply,giddy with anticipation of him seeing what he sent.

Back at the club Brendan assumes Ste has given up with the flirty texts and he's kind of sulking over it. He was enjoying the attention but more than that, he was enjoying their intimacy again. He couldn't wait to see Ste, clock watched every hour that passed by and because he wanted it more than ever, the time ticked by at a snails pace.

Brendan was clearing some of the tables when his phone buzzed again, checking around him he sidled over to a dark corner of the club and hid in the shadows beam wide on his face. He opened up the message and realised there was another attachment, Brendan shot forward quickly seeing its contents, eyes fixed on Ste and what he was doing to himself. Brendan's dick throbbed watching the video and loudly moaned once it was cut far to short.

Message from Brendan  
_Damn you're perfect_

Message from Steven  
_U like that don't u_

Message from Brendan  
_I want to be there.  
__Taste u all over._

Message from Steven_  
__Can't you get off early?_

Message from Brendan_  
__We're too busy ;(_

Brendan shook the hand of the man in a smart suit when he interrupted him. Phone quickly placed in his pocket,Brendan smiled professionally. The office felt too warm as he flung of this suit jacket,he felt his phone vibrate and in his haste for Ste found himself wanting to read his next text.

Message from Steven  
_Where are u right now?_

Message from Brendan  
_The office,got a brief meeting._

Message from Steven  
_Are your ears burning?  
__I can't stop saying your name._

Message from Brendan  
_I can't do this now._

Message from Steven  
_I'll stop then_

Message from Brendan  
_Don't stop Steven  
_

The man sat down and opened his briefcase,brought out his files and placed them on his desk to look at. Brendan was miles away from this meeting though, he was back at their home with Steven, ripping his clothes off as he rounded the house to eventually find Ste. Brendan found himself feeling excited as his body tingled with trepidation. He was like a teenager apart of a new relationship. The wanting you feel when you're with them and the missing them when you're not. His fingers played with his phone,and when Ste didn't text it hurt.

"You back in the room yet Mr Brady?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah...yeah sorry. What did ye say?"

"Waiting for you,seems your mind is elsewhere" The older man peered over his dark rimmed glasses at Brendan, he was glad he couldn't read minds.

"It is...sorry. It's Steven, ye remember me mentioning him? He's just keeping in touch" Brendan shook his phone and nodded sheepishly.

"Of course,now about these figures...the business is doing well.I see no reason why you can't look to invest in another business if you so wish, funds are sufficient"

"I need the money for something else actually, I'm planning to get married"

"Ah, so this is why you look happy. Congratulations."

"I ain't asked him yet...but thank ye. So that and the honeymoon, I only want the best for him"

"Well rest assured, your finances are doing well, The trust funds are still in place, as it's been a few years they've accumulated well" The man stood up and held his hand out to Brendan taking it and shaking with a firm grip. "As you asked the children wont get them till they're older"

"Thank ye for your help, and for coming to see me here. I just don't get the time to do anything but work at the moment."

"Why don't you just hire in a relief manager? It's been going on ages this, give yourself some time with that family of yours eh?" The older man had a fair point, he had forgotten the last time they spent any time together. Brendan became at one with his thoughts until the man moved them to the office door and opened it to leave.

"Why don't ye stay for a drink? First one on me, and there's food out there too"

The man smiled and nodded "I will decline this time as I am driving, but next time I'll hold you to that." He turned back around and smiled "And why don't you reply to him eh? I'll leave you too it" Brendan looked at his phone in his hand and at the time. It would be a few more hours before he could leave. Brendan escorted the man from the club. Brendan quickly fingers over his phone.

Message from Steven  
___My fingers are in my mouth,_  
_imagine where I'm gonna put them_.  


Message from Brendan  
_______U gonna come for me?_

Message from Steven  
_Meeting over?_

Message from Brendan  
_Just now._

Message from Steven  
_Still wet for you_

Message from Brendan  
_Show me_

Message from Steven  
*Attachment*  
_Wanna lick it off?_

_"Jesus"_

Message from Brendan  
_I'm gonna ruin u boy_

Message from Steven  
_Promises, promises._

Once back on the dance floor Brendan searches the room, people still dancing around, he spots an ice bucket with champagne inside it, he wants to take that ice bucket and throw it over himself. So damn hot for his man right now it isn't funny. His staff looked to be coping okay at the bar, so he moved into his office to do some much needed paperwork. Brendan shifted in his leather chair holding up his phone again.

Message from Brendan  
_U realise what you've done to me?_

Message from Steven  
_U horny baby?_

Message from Brendan  
_I want u Steven_.

Message from Steven  
_I want u more._

Message from Brendan_  
I wanna see u_

Message from Steven  
_Tonight? Can't u wait for me?_

_Message_ from Brendan_  
Now._

Message from Steven  
_If I bring lube,  
u gonna lay me on ur desk?_

Message from Brendan  
_U set off yet?_

Message from Steven  
_Or do u want to loosen me with ur tongue?_

Message from Brendan  
_Wet enough ain't u?_

Message from Steven  
_Ohh tetchy..._

Message from Brendan  
_I'll take u outside the club_  
_if u don't hurry up_

Message from Steven  
_So desperate ;P_

* * *

When Ste arrives at the club it's still bustling with people dancing the night away, he edges past a few as he bounds up the stairs to the top floor. A few people try and coax him into dancing but he's not interested in them, he's too busy thinking about Brendan, spending time alone together.

It's hard to see anything when he walks in and the floor is packed. Ste edges his way around and to the bar. One of the bar tenders reconises him and offers a drink then points out the buffet bar in the corner full of all kinds of different food. Ste nods in acceptance of the beer he's given and asks for 'the boss'. The man isn't sure where he is, but says the best bet would be the office or cellar.

Ste takes a swig of the ice cold beer and directs his eyes towards the cellar, the last time they were down in one of those together was so long ago, good and bad memories flood Ste's mind. Then they trail to the food and he wanders over finding a concoction Ste finds his way through to the office, standing there his heart flutters, giddy like a first date. It's crazy but he likes the feeling of it, makes him excited, needy. Ste knocks at the door and walks in. Ste glances over at Brendan who's sat in the leather-backed chair that creaks when he moves in it.

"The Kids are at Amy's I take it?" Brendan asks quietly.

"Hmm, all weekend"

Ste smiles and sits down on the sofa. Brendan moves slowly around and settles next to Ste who has started to eat the food he's brought in.

"What's this?"

"Dunno, I just threw it together, fancied a little of everything"

"I fancy a bit of everything too Steven, and I don't mean the food"

"I'm sorry I've been so wrapped up in work to notice you. Actually that's a lie, I do notice you, and you take my breath away." Ste turns to Brendan

"Just with the restaurant and TV deal, it's gotten crazy"

"I know, It's okay. I get to hold ye every night and wake up to ye. I have been just as busy, and I always notice ye too. So beautiful, who wouldn't?"

Ste eats the banana that's covered in squirty cream and grins when he turns to Brendan. Angling himself he points quickly gesturing to his face "Ye have some cream on your lips Steven"

"Yeah? Then why don't ya lick it off?"

Brendan moves like he's starved, is on Ste faster than he can breathe. Brendan's tongue is warm as he licks off the cream, feels rough Ste's stubble on his wet strokes. It does something to him, his boy covered in this dark hair. Has to taste again, laps slowly teases it between Ste's smiling lips and parts them.

Ste discards the banana cream whatsit in favour of his man invading his mouth with a need he's gotta take. Ste craves his touch, takes his tongue and sucks it into his mouth. The heat soars between them and Ste slides down underneath Brendan bringing the older man crashing on top of his body, their groins press close instilling gasps and moans that echo the room.

"Oh god get them off" Ste pulls Brendan's shirt into a tight grip.

"Ye want it Steven, ye want me here?" Brendan's hand thrusts fast between Ste's legs and rubs there, the friction burns at the material of his tracksuit bottoms. Ste keens up into his hand, eyelashes flick up to reveal eyes blown and full of desire.

"No one has ever made me come as hard as you" Ste holds his head up to Brendan's ear telling him with a purr.

"I want ye to take off all your clothes and lie down for me on the desk"

Ste's cheeks flush with Brendan's hand movements, they're rubbing him so thick the pre come just keeps dribbling from the slit, he can feel it, his arousal when it creeps up like drops into water, they span over him again and again. Ste's moist and hot, pushes into Brendan's hand and rubs himself on his palm. Brendan lets him continue a while, he likes to watch. Steven getting himself worked up, the right angle and pressure and he's keening in hunger.

"You're making yourself come ain't ye?"

_"No…I'm just…god…yeah"_

"Look at ye, like you're on heat, desperate little minx" Brendan moves his hand and Ste quickly jots with the loss.

"Bren!"

"I told ye..get on that desk…_now_"

Ste's mouth curls into a grin he's sweaty, and there's a shine to his skin with the dampness. His nipples have hardened, he felt them perk up through his arousal, they always do that, feel rock hard. Brendan's noticed too, they're prominent through his t shirt, he's thumbing over them and the material chafes against the sensitive nubs in such a way it pleasures him. Soon Brendan pulls back completely and leans above Ste lowering for a quick kiss. He winks as he moves to stand up, tented trousers Brendan is hard and throbbing in his pants.

Ste moves off the sofa, swings his legs around till they're on the floor. Walking to the desk he glances back at Brendan, tongue sticking out between his teeth. Ste can see it in Brendan's eyes, he loves the intensity, the waiting. He removes his top slowly, showing off his bronzed torso, holds the top in his fisted hand and fingers down himself keeping his gaze with Brendan's the whole time. His cock feels so thick now, pulses and ticks. His eyes almost close with it, a jerk reaction to feeling so aroused. Ste only has to stoke himself a few times and he'd be spilling into his hand.

Ste backs into the middle of the office and Brendan follows him, eyes still fixed and dilated, he loves the boy before him. Adores him. "I love ye Steven"

Ste swallows at the sentiment, he doesn't hear those words too often but when he does his body alights, heart swells and beats differently, it only has ever sounded this way with Brendan, no other man could compare. "I've never loved anyone as much as you"

The gap is taken away by Brendan's advance. Ste drags his leg up Brendan's thigh and he grips it in his tight fingers, pulls them close, keen's with it. Ste hums and holds onto his neck, jumps and Brendan catches him and pushes them up against the wall with a thud. Ste's breath is taken from his lungs with it, gasps and moulds their lips together.

Ste's hand rummages in his boxers and frees his length, fiddles with Brendan's zipper and pulls out his cock and presses them together. A moan leaves both their mouths at the same time, cocks rubbing close; slippy with pre come. Ste pulls Brendan closer and nuzzles into his neck, bites, kisses and tugs at Brendan's sweet skin.

"Get these off" Brendan growls parting from Steven, allowing him to strip the rest of his clothes off. Ste doesn't though instead he moves closer to Brendan and begins to take his off instead. Pushes the open shirt over his shoulders and licks over his nipples. Lips cupping over them gently.

_"I missed you."_

"I missed ye too"

Ste looked up at Brendan in awe, his heart swelled_, _arms tightened around his neck_ "You gonna show me how much?"_

Brendan's hand dragged Ste's thigh up his body and nodded slowly, Ste brought up his other leg tying them crossed behind his back. Brendan walked them to the desk and lowered Ste gently against the wood and rids himself of his boxers and trousers, Brendan walks over to the door and locks it as Ste sits up on his elbows and watches. Moves his legs up to his feet and opens his thighs, fingers in his mouth he licks them and places them wet against his hole.

Rubs gently, Brendan's eyes fixed on what he's doing. Falling to his knees Brendan's tongue follows suit, shifts inside and has a taste of Ste, the warmth surrounds his tongue, Brendan hums through each lap his tongue takes. Moves Ste's hands to his hole and makes him widen himself more for him. Ste's puring and rocking his hips over Brendan's big tongue, fucks himself and let's the tingling rush through his veins.

_"Bren…oh god baby"_

"I love your taste"

Brendan's hands thumb over his leaking cock, moves up and laps over it _"So wet for me"_

"Always for you. Fuck me Brendan, I need you"

Brendan's cock pounds hard in and out of Ste as he enters him, legs pulled up over his shoulders, his thighs are gripped tightly in Brendan's big hands. Ste's head arches against the desk when Brendan pushes in so deep he hits his sweet spot again and again. 'Harder' Ste asks breathless, body jerking over the desk his hands clamber for the sides as his nails scrape against the wood. The climax has his body glowing red heat, Brendan's come paints his insides full.

Ste moans through the come down and how Brendan's cock slides in and out wetter with his come as lube, the noise of it heightens the pleasure, sounds so filthy Ste blushes.

Brendan collapses on Ste and bites at his neck. "Let's not leave it so long next time, but that was worth the wait"

"I knew I could have you on your knees Brendan, so easy"

"Ye are a tease Steven Hay"

* * *

Brendan takes the day off especially, and makes sure Ste will have the day off too. Leah and Lucas are at Amys all weekend so its the perfect time to do this. Brendan is dressed casually for a change, black jeans and a top, he looks handsome he knows this because Ste told him so this morning just before he left for work thinking this was gonna be a normal working day. Brendan was fit to burst having the ring so close by, tucked away in his pocket he'd resisted the urge to ask Ste last night, but their amazing night together ended up whiling away the hours reminding themselves of every intimate detail and curve for hours upon end.

Now as he walks towards Ste's restaurant and looks inside at the sea of customers at their tables eating and the amount of people who will witness his proposal his heart feels like it's about to jump out of his chest. All Ste ever wanted in the beginning was to be a proper couple, who went out together, in public and wasn't afraid of it. And now, Brendan felt ease with public displays of affection, maybe a little apprehensive still, but he thought a grand gesture was bound to put a smile on Ste's face, especially if it was a surprise he knew nothing about. That was the plan at least.

Ste was in the kitchen when one of the waitresses touched him on the shoulder. "Ste? Erm, theres a customer out here, and he's wanting to see the chef"

Ste grabbed the tee towel from around his shoulder and cleaned his hands with it before nodding and moving out into the restaurant. He stopped in his tracks seeing Brendan stood there, just standing with hands in his pockets. The customers still eating and chatting away oblivious. Ste walked forward.

"Brendan, what you doing here?"

"Do I need a reason to see ye?"

"Well no..but I am working...so"

"Got ye the day off, think ye will need it"

Ste scrunched his face up "What's going on?"

Brendan reached into his pocket and pulled out a black box before walking the distance to place their bodies closer "Remember how we once baked bread together in the deli? And how I said it 'wouldn't be a bad thing?"

Ste swallowed shakily_ "Yeah..."_

Brendan smiled and moved down to one knee and Ste thought he was about to collapse or something because his legs turned to jelly right then and there, and as for his heart, well he held against his chest to keep it inside his rib cage. The people in the place stopped what they were doing to look at them looking at each other.

"I love ye, ye make the world good again" Brendan nodded his head "I can't live my life without ye, marry me Steven?"

"_Oh god_" the younger man choked and fingers shook taking the ring from its black velvet box "Yes I will" Ste sobbed.

Brendan smiled and heaved himself back up again, Ste threw his arms around him making them a little uneasy on their feet, hugging tightly, eyes closed. The place erupted in laughter, applause but they never heard it. Only their heart beats and Ste's sobs.

_"Forever_" Brendan whispered.

* * *

Ste looks at it, it's big and shiny and fits so perfectly on his finger. He can't stop looking at it, he's like one of those magpie birds that really love shiny things except they don't have massive giddy grins plastered over their faces. Leah comes running into their bedroom and jumps up on the bed next to her dad. He's acting weird, and she knows that adults do that sometimes, especially her Dad but that smile he has makes her giggle.

"What ya looking at?"

"This " Ste holds his hand out to Leah who fingers over the ring "You know what this means dont'cha?"

"Are you and Daddy Brendan getting married?" Leah rolls her eyes "You've told me this like at least eighty seven times Dad!"

"Have I? Oh I hadn't noticed" Ste laughed taking Leah into his arms and squeezing her tightly till she laughs.

"I like you happy. Daddy Brendan is too, he told us a hundred times"

"HA! Did he? Cool"

"I'm gonna be a bridesmaid and Lucas a pageboy. And we're gonna look really posh" Leah moved off the bed and looked back at Ste "Can I wear pink?"

"Course ya can love" Ste nibbles at his bottom lip and sighs with a big heart. "Come on, it's bed for you now"

Brendan wont be back from the club till the early hours, he's missing him even more now. Ste puts the kids to bed and sits up on the sofa and stays up until Brendan returns home to him. Bringing him something to eat Brendan settles down and finishes his plate till its empty. He turns and looks at him. "Ye okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just thinking...and I know it's a sad memory but, I'm remembering when you came back and found me."

"Hmm, it seems like another lifetime now though, considering where we are now at least" Brendan takes his dishes into the kitchen and Ste follows behind him.

"Just put em in the sink, I'll wash em in the morning"

"I'll wash them, I can just about remember how to wash up"

Ste raised his eyebrows playfully "Yeah? Wonders never cease" Ste laughs when Brendan pokes him in the ribs and shakes his head

"Cheeky sod"

"Can we talk in bed?" Ste drags Brendan behind him to their room.

"Am I on a promise now then? A whole conversation in bed? Jesus it must be Christmas, or the very least Easter"

"Shurrup Bren! I'm serious ya know?"

"Yeah that's what worries me"

Ste jumps on the bed and waits for Brendan to strip, has to watch because it's Brendan and lets face it who wouldn't watch the man strip. Ste laughs at his thoughts as the older man raises an eyebrow and sways as he removes his shirt flinging it so it lands on Ste's head. Trousers and flying boxers later and he's next to him on the bed smirking. Gestures to all of his nakedness and looks at Ste "Still wanna talk huh?"

"Bloody hell, yeah I do..._jesus"_

Brendan raises his knee up and angles to rest on his elbow leaving nothing to the imagination, Ste almost swoons under the sudden temperature change "Go on then, talk"

"Just wanna set a date, the wedding and the honeymoon"

"The sooner I marry ye the better Steven" Brendan crawls over the duvet towards him "The honeymoon, we can start that now if ye like?"

"How about next month?" Ste sighs as Brendan lays him down on the bed and works his tongue against his nipple. "We could invite everyone..._OH"_

"Shhh, remember the kids are asleep"

Brendan grins nibbling and sucking the nub hard.

"Stop it then!"

"Ye want me to stop?" Brendan cicles Ste's other nipple with his finger and licks the perimeter of his lips "really?"

_"Oh god, fine! Bloody tease"_ Ste grabs Brendan's neck and kisses hard against his lips, the older man laughs loudly wrapping his arms around Ste's body.

* * *

Leah walks down the aisle first with Amy, and Brendan stands at the alter dressed in a perfect fit suit to enhance his body. Father Des is stood talking to him and smiling, he tells him how happy he is they finally made it and he told Steven how he felt. Brendan doesn't go into details, because their story is a long one and right now all he wants is to marry the boy he loves. Amy manages a nod his way, and Leah waves at him with a smile so perfect. Lucas is next to wander the aisle, along with his own children. Paddy and Declan had been a little harder to win around but them being here meant everything to him.

Ste had made the call a year ago to Eileen and got them talking again. Declan manages a nod to his father and Paddy a smile. Lucas waves and sits with Leah. his children behind them. They're all his children now though, a proper family like how it should be. Ste averts his gaze when he walks down the aisle towards him.

Ste smiles and Brendan weakens at the knees, not that he'd admit it to anyone but him, but he does. Ste makes his heart beat differently. They'd discussed it eventually, a church wedding. Ste's enthusiasm making Brendan feel lighter, he'd have married him anywhere he wanted. As long as they were together.  
They stood side by side and tried to keep eye contact with Father Des as he went through the vows, but they always ended up with eyes on each other, no one else was even there in the end, not in their minds. It was only ever just them.

In the midst of the moments that passed Brendan placed the ring on Ste's finger promising to spend his life with him. And when he remembered to breathe again, Ste told him the same, forever he told Brendan and placed the ring on his finger before holding his hand. Their eyes never separated and they kissed before, during and after Father Des pronounced them 'husband's' and telling them they could kiss finally. No one told them when they could do that though, they kissed for fun most of the time anyhow.

It was Leah and Lucas lobbing a ton of confetti at them that finally parted their embrace, reluctantly the newly married couple stopped kissing long enough to see the congregation happy for them, even Amy looked genuinely pleased for them hugging Ste tightly and shaking Brendan's hand. In the grand scheme of things, a hug would've been pushing it. Brendan never let go of Ste's hand, they signed the register and posed for photos and never once separated.

A limo pulled up for them after the party celebrations were in full swing, Brendan whisking Ste off to an unknown location for the honeymoon for a week. They said bye to their children before entering the car bound for Dublin airport. They kissed as soon as they were alone in the car, there wasn't time for any words, Brendan lowered Ste over the long seat and said a thousand words with each tongue stroke he laid against Ste's. Responsive in hunger the younger man couldn't get enough of his husband, hands desperate along the whole of his body.

"We did it" Ste beamed through the kisses, stroked his hand over Brendan's beard getting him to look up into his eyes "We actually did it"

"I know, and it feels..."

"What? It feels..."

"Right, it feels right Steven"

Ste smiled, he'd never stop now, nothing would ever stop that beautiful smile he had ever. He was so happy. "I love you Brendan Brady"

"I love ye more Steven Brady"

"Oh yeah! I'm a Brady...hang on...why ain't ya a Hay?"

"Brendan Hay? _Please_"

"Oi what's wrong with that?"

"It don't smoothe off the tongue does it?" Brendan lifted them to the upright position, Ste climbed into his lap instead continuing to kiss through their converse.

I smoothe off your tongue all the time, what ya on about" Ste grinned "Brady-Hay?"

"Are we gonna have our first argument now we're married? Steven BRADY"

"Hay-Brady though..."

"Shut up! Ye are winding me up now aint ye?"

"Yep, it doesn't matter, it's not like we can pass our name onto our kids is it?"

"Who says we can't?"

"Nah, Amy wont agree to that" Ste sighs fingering over Brendan's beard lightly.

"I didn't mean Leah and Lucas." Brendan bore his gaze into Ste's blue eyes, his mouth parts a little and a small breath escapes.

"Really? You mean..." The car stops as they arrived at the airport. Brendan lifts Ste off him and exits the car, holds the door open for Ste and they walk together luggage already packed.

"Brendan?"

"I just think we shouldn't not ever think about it that's all, anything is possible these days, right?"

"Yeah" Ste's heart doesn't know how to beat properly anymore. "Where are we going?"

"Italy. That okay? I thought Milan, maybe some other places"

"Sounds perfect, this is, perfect. Thank you for everything" Ste holds Brendan around the neck and pulls him into a hug. "Thank you for coming back and saving me"

"Ye saved me too. Come on, they're boarding. Got your passport?" Brendan walked ahead of Ste to check out as Ste opened the cover.

"Yeah, just need to change the name to Steven Brady"

* * *

The end. And I was gonna write the honeymoon but declined. The amount of romance in this though, I'm too soft with these two! I love them. *sigh*  
Lolitangela, I hope its okay, let me know your thoughts. And as always, a massive thank you to all who read this! :D xx


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